Friday, June 29, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Get That Camera Out Of My Face!
Turns out I'm now notable. No sightings yet. You'll have to try harder, ye photographic hounds.
Turns out I'm now notable. No sightings yet. You'll have to try harder, ye photographic hounds.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
FAMILY HERMAN PROJECT #9
I took some liberties here, using Saturday's Herman and today's Family Circus. All in the name of cognitive illumination, though.
1.
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2.
Who are these shadowy men in #1 haggling over reservations made for the enormous and apparently oblivious grandmother? The guy speaking seems to currently be in possession of 8-Foot Grandma (yes, use it as the name for your new rock band) and he's scolding the other guy. Is it his brother? Cousin? And why are they so competitive to obtain 8-Foot Grandma? Band name can be abbreviated to 8FG.
Down below, we have a choice. If we are to buy into the characters of Family Circus, Jeffy has apparently announced, smugly, that Grandma is his second wife, much to the consternation of Dolly who just can't keep up in this dysfunctional game that's being played. She's still stuck with her first wife. Is it Mommy? We don't know. We don't want to. The other option is to toss out all we know about the family, in which case we just have a boy who enjoys sitting with an eyeball-less elderly woman while an angry girl protests her own futile efforts at multiple marriage.
Tough call. Most disturbing, of course, is the continued teeniness of Jeffy. Or is #2's eyeball-less woman just another example of an 8FG?
**
I took some liberties here, using Saturday's Herman and today's Family Circus. All in the name of cognitive illumination, though.
1.
"No fair, Jeffy! You can't call dibs on Grandma!"
**
2.
"I'd like to introduce you to my second wife, but I'm still stuck with the first one."
**Who are these shadowy men in #1 haggling over reservations made for the enormous and apparently oblivious grandmother? The guy speaking seems to currently be in possession of 8-Foot Grandma (yes, use it as the name for your new rock band) and he's scolding the other guy. Is it his brother? Cousin? And why are they so competitive to obtain 8-Foot Grandma? Band name can be abbreviated to 8FG.
Down below, we have a choice. If we are to buy into the characters of Family Circus, Jeffy has apparently announced, smugly, that Grandma is his second wife, much to the consternation of Dolly who just can't keep up in this dysfunctional game that's being played. She's still stuck with her first wife. Is it Mommy? We don't know. We don't want to. The other option is to toss out all we know about the family, in which case we just have a boy who enjoys sitting with an eyeball-less elderly woman while an angry girl protests her own futile efforts at multiple marriage.
Tough call. Most disturbing, of course, is the continued teeniness of Jeffy. Or is #2's eyeball-less woman just another example of an 8FG?
**
Thursday, June 21, 2007
FAMILY HERMAN PROJECT #8
1.
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2.
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I don't think I have any jokes today. I'm genuinely frightened for what's happening in #2. Of course Jeffy is crying. Of course he is. And he has my vote.
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1.
"That blur you saw go by before was me running."
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2.
"When I said you could have your friends over for lunch, I meant humans."
**
I don't think I have any jokes today. I'm genuinely frightened for what's happening in #2. Of course Jeffy is crying. Of course he is. And he has my vote.
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Wednesday, June 20, 2007
KEXP & The Current
I got some response to this post a while back about the comparative playlists of the two stations. But rather than rely on my cryptic "song I've never heard that I like" descriptions, you can look at the playlists of the respective stations KEXP and The Current for yourself. Curiously, both played The Kinks this morning. Some prefer one, some prefer the other, but neither is owned by Clear Channel or has a Wacky Morning Zoo Crew and are thus virtuous.
I got some response to this post a while back about the comparative playlists of the two stations. But rather than rely on my cryptic "song I've never heard that I like" descriptions, you can look at the playlists of the respective stations KEXP and The Current for yourself. Curiously, both played The Kinks this morning. Some prefer one, some prefer the other, but neither is owned by Clear Channel or has a Wacky Morning Zoo Crew and are thus virtuous.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
FAMILY HERMAN PROJECT #7
I think we have a good one here.
**
1.
**
2.
**
**
Now in #1, we have our old friend Pathos the Waiter. Grandma has showed up at his place of employment with a pet seal. Any reasonable server in this situation would just tell Grandma that no pets are allowed even if they are capable of quietly sitting in a chair. Quietly escort her out. Really, to do anything short of that is grounds for dismissal. Instead, Pathos desperately tries to endear himself to what we have to assume is an emotional tyrant of a grandparent who has recently gone crazy enough to bring a seal to lunch. He wants her approval even if it is in the form of infantilization. And no, you're not doing anything cute. Unless you consider losing your dignity to be cute then your goddamn adorable.
Over in #2, we have Jeffy with his idea of what the elderly eat. They're old, they're peculiar, I bet they eat raw herring, he figures. Either that or Grandma is so desperately unwelcome on these near constant visits that Mommy and Daddy feed her only raw herring. Jeffy, fat and happy on lunchables and chocolate Quik, knows this and, joining in the derision, mocks her. It's all that he knows. I mean, look at the poor woman's face. How did it come to this?, she's thinking. Not even Dead Grandpa in Heaven can help her now.
And my goodness, Jeffy is small.
I think we have a good one here.
**
1.
"Am I doing anything cute, Grandma?"
**
2.
"Who's having the raw herring?"
**
**
Now in #1, we have our old friend Pathos the Waiter. Grandma has showed up at his place of employment with a pet seal. Any reasonable server in this situation would just tell Grandma that no pets are allowed even if they are capable of quietly sitting in a chair. Quietly escort her out. Really, to do anything short of that is grounds for dismissal. Instead, Pathos desperately tries to endear himself to what we have to assume is an emotional tyrant of a grandparent who has recently gone crazy enough to bring a seal to lunch. He wants her approval even if it is in the form of infantilization. And no, you're not doing anything cute. Unless you consider losing your dignity to be cute then your goddamn adorable.
Over in #2, we have Jeffy with his idea of what the elderly eat. They're old, they're peculiar, I bet they eat raw herring, he figures. Either that or Grandma is so desperately unwelcome on these near constant visits that Mommy and Daddy feed her only raw herring. Jeffy, fat and happy on lunchables and chocolate Quik, knows this and, joining in the derision, mocks her. It's all that he knows. I mean, look at the poor woman's face. How did it come to this?, she's thinking. Not even Dead Grandpa in Heaven can help her now.
And my goodness, Jeffy is small.
"Moe" is to Fruit Flies as "Voldemort" is to the Wizarding Community
You can call me He Who Must Not Be Named if you want, fruit flies. Doesn't change who I am.
We had a really bad fruit fly problem in our kitchen. They were everywhere, even when we eliminated all fruit from the kitchen. I went online for a possible remedy. I found two and tried one:
Fill a small bowl with water.
Drop in a bit of detergent.
Place a bit of fruit in (I used a pear slice) so that it's partially sticking out of the water.
Cover the whole thing with tight plastic wrap.
Poke a few holes in the plastic wrap.
The flies are attracted by the smell of the fruit. They linger on the bowl and eventually find the holes and climb in. Once inside, they can't find the holes to get out and eventually fall into the detergenty water.
I did this last night. By this morning there were dozens of the bastards dead in there, plus one resilient baby fruit fly who survived but has a lightning scar on his head. Weird.
The other plan, which I haven't tried yet:
Put all your skanky fruit in the oven, like a pile of it, leave the door open, but obviously don't turn it on.
Go to bed.
Get up.
Slam oven door closed.
Bake, baby, bake.
That might be tonight.
You can call me He Who Must Not Be Named if you want, fruit flies. Doesn't change who I am.
We had a really bad fruit fly problem in our kitchen. They were everywhere, even when we eliminated all fruit from the kitchen. I went online for a possible remedy. I found two and tried one:
Fill a small bowl with water.
Drop in a bit of detergent.
Place a bit of fruit in (I used a pear slice) so that it's partially sticking out of the water.
Cover the whole thing with tight plastic wrap.
Poke a few holes in the plastic wrap.
The flies are attracted by the smell of the fruit. They linger on the bowl and eventually find the holes and climb in. Once inside, they can't find the holes to get out and eventually fall into the detergenty water.
I did this last night. By this morning there were dozens of the bastards dead in there, plus one resilient baby fruit fly who survived but has a lightning scar on his head. Weird.
The other plan, which I haven't tried yet:
Put all your skanky fruit in the oven, like a pile of it, leave the door open, but obviously don't turn it on.
Go to bed.
Get up.
Slam oven door closed.
Bake, baby, bake.
That might be tonight.
My Job This Week
I'm hosting Weekend America this week and doing a story on this video:
Mike Gravel, who's running for President, has put out this video where he simply stares into the camera for an uncomfortably long time and then walks away, throws a large rock in a lake, and keeps on walking. No campaign promises, no speechifying, no talking at all, really. Just staring, walking, throwing, walking.
I'm hoping to interview Gravel himself, especially since I talked to him a few months ago. I want to know why this video was made, what its purpose is, and why it makes me feel like Mike Gravel is stealing my soul. See if you can watch the whole thing and tell me what happens to your soul by the end.
I'm hosting Weekend America this week and doing a story on this video:
Mike Gravel, who's running for President, has put out this video where he simply stares into the camera for an uncomfortably long time and then walks away, throws a large rock in a lake, and keeps on walking. No campaign promises, no speechifying, no talking at all, really. Just staring, walking, throwing, walking.
I'm hoping to interview Gravel himself, especially since I talked to him a few months ago. I want to know why this video was made, what its purpose is, and why it makes me feel like Mike Gravel is stealing my soul. See if you can watch the whole thing and tell me what happens to your soul by the end.
Friday, June 15, 2007
FAMILY HERMAN PROJECT #6
As always, please vote for which one is better. You can define better as "funnier", "more disturbing", "more relevant to the human condition", or anything else.
At first I thought, how can you not vote for the sad old man in the hospital bed? He just wants to keep his grandma or his wife or whoever it is he calls Grandma.
And who is that other guy?
But Family Circus Art / Herman Caption (FCA/HC) is intriguing too. Mommy is pulling expired food from the fridge, even seems kind of pissed off about it, and Dolly chooses just that moment to tell the family of an attempted maiming. Who was this person Dolly was trying to escape from? And will restraining orders be required?
Still, I'm a sucker for pathos so I gotta go with Herman Art / Family Circus Caption (HA/FCC).
**
As always, please vote for which one is better. You can define better as "funnier", "more disturbing", "more relevant to the human condition", or anything else.
"But we can keep Grandma, right?"
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"I told her I wanted a 'trial separation' so she tried to separate my shoulder!"
**
At first I thought, how can you not vote for the sad old man in the hospital bed? He just wants to keep his grandma or his wife or whoever it is he calls Grandma.
And who is that other guy?
But Family Circus Art / Herman Caption (FCA/HC) is intriguing too. Mommy is pulling expired food from the fridge, even seems kind of pissed off about it, and Dolly chooses just that moment to tell the family of an attempted maiming. Who was this person Dolly was trying to escape from? And will restraining orders be required?
Still, I'm a sucker for pathos so I gotta go with Herman Art / Family Circus Caption (HA/FCC).
**
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
New Music Wednesdays
Hooray hooray hooray for The National and their new album Boxer. Singer Matt Berninger has that kind of low throttle Stephen Merritt baritone thing going on but The National is way more band-y than Magnetic Fields. Plus, the band has two(!) sets of brothers in it. The first track, "Fake Empire", is giving Modest Mouse's Dashboard a run for its money in the competition for this year's Summer Song. "Stay out super late tonight, picking apples, making pie," go the lyrics, "put a little something in our lemonade and take it with us." Heck yes. Of course we will. It is summer.
Hooray hooray hooray for The National and their new album Boxer. Singer Matt Berninger has that kind of low throttle Stephen Merritt baritone thing going on but The National is way more band-y than Magnetic Fields. Plus, the band has two(!) sets of brothers in it. The first track, "Fake Empire", is giving Modest Mouse's Dashboard a run for its money in the competition for this year's Summer Song. "Stay out super late tonight, picking apples, making pie," go the lyrics, "put a little something in our lemonade and take it with us." Heck yes. Of course we will. It is summer.
FAMILY HERMAN PROJECT #5
"I was a drawing a dog, but his neck got too long, so I made him a giraffe."
**
**
"We managed to put the fire out. Just do the front lawn."
**
I'm leaning toward #1 here, personally because of the pathos of older, sadder, lonelier people calling up firefighters to discuss failed art projects. Then again, Jeffy's cheerful obliviousness to losing his home in a fire is darkly fascinating. Yes, smoke filled the playroom but I continued to draw. Who set the fire? Has anyone seen Not Me lately?
I've noticed that vote totals for these things have dropped with each passing day. But I'm going to stick with it for a while longer. There's an axiom in public radio that just when a producer gets sick of a segment is when the public starts to like it. Not sick of this yet. Still weirdly interesting to me and hell, it is still just a blog. Some non-Family Herman content coming soon.
Also, please note: you can vote as often as you like. I may change that but at the moment, if you're a Herman Art fan, you can crush the Family Circus forces by just voting thousands of times.
I've noticed that vote totals for these things have dropped with each passing day. But I'm going to stick with it for a while longer. There's an axiom in public radio that just when a producer gets sick of a segment is when the public starts to like it. Not sick of this yet. Still weirdly interesting to me and hell, it is still just a blog. Some non-Family Herman content coming soon.
Also, please note: you can vote as often as you like. I may change that but at the moment, if you're a Herman Art fan, you can crush the Family Circus forces by just voting thousands of times.
Monday, June 11, 2007
FAMILY HERMAN PROJECT #4
I'm hosting a lot the next few weeks so there probably won't be so many Monday updates. But onward we go and today we drift far from our humor moorings.
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I have to admit, I've been kind of rooting for Herman Art / Family Circus Caption for a while. I think FC Art has a bit of an ongoing advantage because it is inherently funny to see these insipid children saying things that denote the struggles of middle age. Meanwhile, characters from Herman Art saying these childlike things is just sad. I think today's Herman Art with FC Caption is okay, the woman delivering a riposte to the clobbered and cuckolded husband although I think the Herman Art with original caption might be more disturbingly fascinating. But today I have to go with FC Art. Billy is completely non-plussed at the idea of a home invasion. He thought his friend was a burglar but he wasn't prepared to do anything to save his home, possessions, or family. He was just sitting there. Then again, would you save Dolly?
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I'm hosting a lot the next few weeks so there probably won't be so many Monday updates. But onward we go and today we drift far from our humor moorings.
"The hardest thing to get in my house is permission."
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"Oh, it's you! I thought it was a burglar."
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I have to admit, I've been kind of rooting for Herman Art / Family Circus Caption for a while. I think FC Art has a bit of an ongoing advantage because it is inherently funny to see these insipid children saying things that denote the struggles of middle age. Meanwhile, characters from Herman Art saying these childlike things is just sad. I think today's Herman Art with FC Caption is okay, the woman delivering a riposte to the clobbered and cuckolded husband although I think the Herman Art with original caption might be more disturbingly fascinating. But today I have to go with FC Art. Billy is completely non-plussed at the idea of a home invasion. He thought his friend was a burglar but he wasn't prepared to do anything to save his home, possessions, or family. He was just sitting there. Then again, would you save Dolly?
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Friday, June 08, 2007
FAMILY HERMAN PROJECT #3
Voting continues. As do the odd feelings I get.
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**
I must confess that this project has really helped me change my mind about Dolly. Like everyone sensible, I've hated her my whole life. Bossy, too deliberately cutesy, manipulative. But in this context, she's simply hanging out on the couch sharing a casual observation about hair care. Seems happy. Meanwhile today's Herman strip with FC caption just seems like the album cover to some early-80's skate punk record. Freaks me out, man. Tough call.
Voting continues. As do the odd feelings I get.
"When you lie on your tummy, your bottom is your top."
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"That's your organic shampoo."
**
I must confess that this project has really helped me change my mind about Dolly. Like everyone sensible, I've hated her my whole life. Bossy, too deliberately cutesy, manipulative. But in this context, she's simply hanging out on the couch sharing a casual observation about hair care. Seems happy. Meanwhile today's Herman strip with FC caption just seems like the album cover to some early-80's skate punk record. Freaks me out, man. Tough call.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
FAMILY HERMAN PROJECT
Let's ride this thing out a little more. See what else it yields. Once again, taking Family Circus and Herman cartoons and switching captions. I know I'm not the first to do this but I believe it will lead to a better understanding of the human condition.
A little more meta today, don't you think? There is charm in the precocious Dolly affixing monetary value to conversation. But I'm thinking the poignant pathos of the insane old man calling the florist "Jeffy" gets my vote. Because there's just no way that guy's Grandma is still alive.
Let's ride this thing out a little more. See what else it yields. Once again, taking Family Circus and Herman cartoons and switching captions. I know I'm not the first to do this but I believe it will lead to a better understanding of the human condition.
"Be very quiet, Jeffy. Grandma's tea has to sleep for three minutes."
**
"What can I say for about seven dollars?"
**A little more meta today, don't you think? There is charm in the precocious Dolly affixing monetary value to conversation. But I'm thinking the poignant pathos of the insane old man calling the florist "Jeffy" gets my vote. Because there's just no way that guy's Grandma is still alive.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
A Simple Poll
Here's something I do when I see a paper copy of The Seattle Times. I swap the captions for Herman and Family Circus and decide which one is funnier. They both, I think, are enriched in the process. So let's try it today:
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Now to the voting, at least until the cease and desist letters roll in.
Here's something I do when I see a paper copy of The Seattle Times. I swap the captions for Herman and Family Circus and decide which one is funnier. They both, I think, are enriched in the process. So let's try it today:
"PJ likes to hear the same story over and over. When he's older he'll love rerun season."
**
"My ex-husband was up all night buying everyone drinks."
**
Now to the voting, at least until the cease and desist letters roll in.
Monday, June 04, 2007
PITT: Aw, they were just grooming you for Batman.
Hilarious interview with Ocean's 13 stars via Kottke
Hilarious interview with Ocean's 13 stars via Kottke
I've Never Met Tom Lennon
but I know four things about him:
1. He plays Lt. Dangle, the short-shorts wearing cop on Reno 911
2. He was a high school classmate of my beloved wife's
3. He co-wrote Night at the Museum, a movie I rented for the kids last night
4. He's sly.
In the film, a good movie by the way, Ben Stiller, as Larry, the new night watchman, is confronted by Ricky Gervais, playing his boss, Mr. McPhee. And the writers give us a little instructive bit of dialogue on the differences between Mr. Stiller and Mr. Gervais.
Mr. McPhee: Oh, haha - look at me, the comedy night guard. Do you want to get into a battle of humor? Do you?
Larry: Um, no. No I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
Mr. McPhee: That's right, because it would be a bloodbath.
It would be. And it is.
but I know four things about him:
1. He plays Lt. Dangle, the short-shorts wearing cop on Reno 911
2. He was a high school classmate of my beloved wife's
3. He co-wrote Night at the Museum, a movie I rented for the kids last night
4. He's sly.
In the film, a good movie by the way, Ben Stiller, as Larry, the new night watchman, is confronted by Ricky Gervais, playing his boss, Mr. McPhee. And the writers give us a little instructive bit of dialogue on the differences between Mr. Stiller and Mr. Gervais.
Mr. McPhee: Oh, haha - look at me, the comedy night guard. Do you want to get into a battle of humor? Do you?
Larry: Um, no. No I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
Mr. McPhee: That's right, because it would be a bloodbath.
It would be. And it is.
Friday, June 01, 2007
New Motto For My Alma Mater
Federal Way High School: Too Freaking Stupid to Notice a 33-year-old Narc
Yep, they're the ones who banned both An Inconvenient Truth and Huckleberry Finn, too. Honestly, it's a miracle I can even dress myself coming out of that place.
Federal Way High School: Too Freaking Stupid to Notice a 33-year-old Narc
Yep, they're the ones who banned both An Inconvenient Truth and Huckleberry Finn, too. Honestly, it's a miracle I can even dress myself coming out of that place.
The Difference Between Playlists of KEXP and The Current
Both are contemporary music public radio stations. One's in Seattle, one's in St. Paul.
KEXP:
Song I've never heard that I like
Song I've never heard that I don't like
Song I've never heard that's okay
Song I've never heard that I like
Song I've never heard that's okay
Song I've never heard that's okay
Song I've never heard that I don't like
Song I've never heard that I don't like
Song I've never heard that I like
Modest Mouse
The Current:
Song I've never heard that I like
Song I've heard before that I like
Song I've never heard that's okay
Song I've never heard THAT I LOVE
Song I've never heard that's okay
Song I've never heard that I like
Song I've never heard that I don't like
Cool for Cats by Squeeze
Song I've never heard that I don't like
Song I've never heard that I like
Modest Mouse
Both are contemporary music public radio stations. One's in Seattle, one's in St. Paul.
KEXP:
Song I've never heard that I like
Song I've never heard that I don't like
Song I've never heard that's okay
Song I've never heard that I like
Song I've never heard that's okay
Song I've never heard that's okay
Song I've never heard that I don't like
Song I've never heard that I don't like
Song I've never heard that I like
Modest Mouse
The Current:
Song I've never heard that I like
Song I've heard before that I like
Song I've never heard that's okay
Song I've never heard THAT I LOVE
Song I've never heard that's okay
Song I've never heard that I like
Song I've never heard that I don't like
Cool for Cats by Squeeze
Song I've never heard that I don't like
Song I've never heard that I like
Modest Mouse
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