Thursday, May 29, 2003

Yes, I write book reviews for a book store. Yes, the book store wants to sell books. And yes, I have written my share of positive book reviews. But just to prove that I don't always say a book is fantastic, I humbly submit this.

Of course, none of those are my favorite review.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Meeting of the Minds
What was said at this summit?
A) And I-I--I-I--I-I--I-I--I-I--I will always love intractable situations.
B) The Road Map to Peace is my new prerogative.

World Affairs
I sure hope we don't invade more countries so soon after invading that one country. It could lead to something crazy.

Friday, May 23, 2003

You have a choice, really: Defective Yeti or defective yeti.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Legal Tip
When accused of witchcraft, go on TV and get interviewed by a clown.

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Cheers 2
Making your way in the world today takes everything you got
Taking a break at Rod Beck's RV sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away...
Sometimes you wanna go
Where Rod lives past the centerfield stands
And he drinks some beer with fans
You wanna go where Rod Beck knows
neither of you have got plans
You wanna go out past the outfield stands

Monday, May 19, 2003

I watched that show Punked on MTV. It's hosted by dreamy Ashton Kutcher of That 70's Show and they play pranks on all his celebrity friends. Anyway, last night on Punked, they totally punked Mandy Moore. They sent her back in time to Redondo Beach circa 1982 where she became a disenfranchised teenage boy. Mandy/boy began staying out all night, sniffing glue, and riding a skateboard with friends and was soon shaving her head, wearing an oversized leather jacket (decorated with hand-scrawled anti-authority slogans), and getting arrested in violent clashes with the cops. Later in the show, with Ashton cracking up watching the feed from a van, Mandy landed a gig as the lead singer of Black Flag, touring the country and playing chaotic shows at crappy dive bars before getting a groupy pregnant and ultimately dying of a heroin overdose. You should have seen her face when Ashton came out from behind a dumpster in the deserted alley and yelled "You've been PUNKED!" Oh man, she was so mad.

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Guest Entry

From Dave Liljengren, who thinks of such things:

"I remember reading somewhere that among Anne Frank's possessions, and perhaps pasted into her diary itself, were photos of a handsome young Hollywood actor named Robert Stack. That fact stuck with me because Anne Frank seemed to have died about a thousand years ago, and Robert Stack was still alive. Until yesterday. Robert Stack died yesterday at the age of 84.

Stack's first movie, First Love was released in 1939 and since it sounds like the kind of movie which would have gone over big with teenage girls, there's at least a chance that Anne Frank could have seen it before the Nazis rolled into town."

Back to me for additional commentary:

There's very little chance Anne Frank saw some of Stack's other movies.

Tim Carvell is beautiful and should not be killed.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Discussion Topic
The New Orleans Arena Football expansion team will be called the Voodoo. That's fine, but I think the New Orleans NBA team should use that name. After all, there are no more Hornets in New Orleans than there are Grizzlies in Memphis or Jazz in Utah. It makes me wonder: who would win in a contest between the Voodoo and the Orlando Magic? How about the Voodoo versus the Wizards? Or the Voodoo against the Fort Wayne Heebie-Jeebies? I made that last one up. But still.

Friday, May 09, 2003

I Heart Headlines
I read this one in the morning paper. I mean, I don't personally watch her show but I don't think very many people want her to die.

Thursday, May 08, 2003

Sorry it's been a while.
This article in Slate came out on the same day that Morning Edition rejected this commentary:
The NBA playoffs are into their second round and I just can’t bring myself to care. Is it the absence of Michael Jordan? The fact that every player has been arrested at least fourteen times this year alone? No. My apathy is borne of one factor: the completely lame-o team nicknames.

In one half of the NBA Eastern Conference playoffs, the Detroit Pistons are taking on the Philadelphia 76ers. While a piston certainly works hard, can anyone really get jacked up to root for a car part? And what, after all, is a 76er? Someone who lived in colonial America? A rabble rousing Declaration of Indepence signing pointy hat wearer? Or are they referring to a nineteen 76er? A Jimmy Carter voting, Fleetwood Mac appreciating, macramé sofa owner? When these two cities square off in football, it's the Lions versus the Eagles, a horrific yet compelling battle of nature. Elsewhere in the East, the Boston Celtics (who, judging by their logo, are green clad Edward G. Robinsons) are taking on the New Jersey Nets. Is anyone tuning in to see chubby pipe smokers battle interwoven pieces of string?

Out west it doesn't get much better. The Spurs of San Antonio are taking on the LA Lakers. Sharp metal boot parts squaring off against - what?- people who live by lakes? The Lakers used to be based in Minnesota but now are one of the unfortunate teams whose nickname bears no relation to their actual locale. At least the Memphis Grizzlies and the Utah Jazz are out of the race. In the final playoff match up, the Sacramento Kings are playing the Dallas Mavericks. This last one is at least a bit compelling: Long robed crown wearing old men battling the Mavericks who I like to think of as a team of James Garner doppelgangers. An admittedly odd game but still intriguing.

As a solution, I propose new nicknames for NBA teams that reflect their cities’ identities while still providing a little bit of an edge. Let’s see the New Jersey Sopranos, the Detroit Economic Conditions, or the Los Angeles Persistent Barbra Streisand Careers. If there was a championship series where the Dallas Handgun Toting Drive-Through Liquor Store Customers took on the Boston Overly Privileged Kennedy Family Members, you can bet I’d tune in for every second of the action. I’d probably even buy some replica jerseys.