Cover of MGMT's "Kids" played on iPhones.

**

Oh I forgot to tell you, I did some radio

I filled in hosting Midmorning, a 9am to 11am weekday show on Minnesota Public Radio. Two one-hour topics per day, guests, calls, liveness, the whole bit. Had a blast thanks to some really top notch producers and the support of colleagues.
On Monday, I talked about the decline of religious affiliation in the 9am hour. At 10, we did a show about Twitter, that hopefully illuminated more than it confused. The lovely John Hodgman was part of that one. Tuesday's 9am hour featured a discussion about the online future of newspapers, just as the last ever tangible Seattle P-I hit the streets. Monica Guzman of the P-I was on that one and she sounded weary but candid, which was perfect. She's one of my faves. At 10, yeesh, all about gang warfare in Mexico and whether you'll get beheaded if you go to Cancun (you won't but don't buy any drugs whatever you do).
So you can listen to all those online if you like. Felt great to do radio again. Like a stack of flapjacks on a hungry morning.

**

Ichiro - Lasorda

(from the New York Times)
Tommy Lasorda, the tournament’s official mascot, held court during batting practice with several Japanese players. Ichiro Suzuki stopped by and spoke passable English with Lasorda, who in turn spoke passable English with Suzuki. Ichiro kept pointing to Lasorda’s circumferentially-challenged midsection and saying, “How many months?” Clearly unfamiliar with certain idioms, Lasorda answered, “I’m 82 years old.”

**

I know what you're saying

you're saying "I like 'The Boys Are Back In Town' and I like 'Ignition' by R. Kelly, but where can I hear them in a pensive acoustic cover TOGETHER by The Mountain Goats?
Here is where.

The Boys Are Back In Town - the Mountain Goats

My favorite band for the next few minutes...

is Punks Not Dad. Listen to their song "In Me Shed".




There’s a place where I wanna go
be on my own when I’m feeling low
Only place that I wanna be – ONLY PLACE WHERE A DAD CAN BE FREE!
If you want me - you know where to find me If you need me - you’ll know where to look – I’ll be…
In me shed - reading the paper
In me shed - stirring up some paint
In me shed - sorting out me jam jars
In me shed in me shed
In me shed - fixing a puncture
In me shed - oiling the lawnmower
In me shed - having a quiet fag
In me shed in me shed in me shed

Theres a place where I wanna be -
get away from the family
Where a bloke can be a bloke
put me feet up have a smoke
If you want me - you know where to find me If you need me - you’ll know where to look…
In me shed - varnishing a picture frame
In me shed - mending a toaster
In me shed - doing the sudoku
In me shed in me shed
In me shed - listening to the cricket
In me shed - sampling me homebrew
In me shed - cleaning a sparkplug In me shed in me shed I’LL BE IN ME SHED!
In me shed – looking for the Duraglit
In me shed – repotting me tomatoes
In me shed – having a quiet nap In me shed in me shed
In me shed – got a paraffin heater
In me shed – got an old leather sofa
In me shed – got a nice bit of carpet In me shed in me shed
In me shed – got a Razzle and a Mayfair In me shed – got a handy little workbench
In me shed – got a transistor radio In me shed in me shed
In me shed – I’ll be readin’ the paper In me shed – and stirrin’ up some paint
In me shed – sortin’ out me jam jars In me shed In me shed
In me shed In me shed In me shed In me shed IN ME SHED!

(found on BoingBoing)

**

At the coffee place this morning

ME: Medium coffee and a muffin please.
BARISTO (male form of Barista): We have a special going where if you get a large coffee the muffin is only a dollar.
ME: Would a large coffee and a muffin be cheaper than a medium coffee and a muffin?
BARISTO: Yeah, it would.
ME: But I don't want that much coffee because then I would want to drink it and I would be all twitchy and panicky. I only want a medium.
BARISTO: I'm just saying.
ME: Could you give me a large coffee but just put it in a medium cup so there's only a medium amount of coffee in my large coffee?
BARISTO: Sure, I could do that. Great idea!

INGENUITY!

**

I AM ON TO YOU

We're living in confusing times, thus it becomes necessary to identify truth and deception. We need to call out those people and institutions that we're on to.

You know the rules. It's not a condemnation exactly, more just a statement that while these folks/things/ideas might have other people fooled, they DON'T HAVE YOU FOOLED. You are on to them.

For further research, see:
First edition

Second edition
Third edition
Fourth edition
Fifth edition
Sixth edition

Okay, I admit this was all prompted today by hearing a Lily Allen song.

I am on to you, Lily Allen.
I'm on to you, Raisin Bran Extra. Yogurty clusters? Come on. Go check in with Raisin Bran Crunch on how to be a proper RB progeny.
I'm on to you He's Just Not That Into You. And I'm a little exhausted from that sentence.
I'm on to you, Apple, with your new proprietary headphones. Not. Fooled.
I'm on to you, Triscuits.
And you, Morning Glory Muffins.
Took me a while, The Strokes, but you have been found out. I'm on to you.
Icy sidewalks? I'm on to you too. Not that you care.
Everyone's on to you, minus 6 degrees in mid-March. Not that you care.
I wish I could say I'm on to you, Michael Steele, but I've totally lost the trail. I have no idea where you're going.

So. Your turn. Go!


**

Where Are We?

I'm writing this at Blogger.com. It's the website where I write the content that will appear on my blog, Monkey Disaster, which appears at monkeydisaster.blogspot.com. I started the blog way back in, jeez, 2003? Or something? Six years ago, just about. It was to be an outlet for my writing, my training facility for other writing, a way to stay in shape. Friends started reading it, then strangers, I've never made a dime on it and never will but I believe it's read by people.

Now, in October of 2007 I joined Facebook and soon after that enabled a feature there that imported all the posts from the blog over to Facebook. So sometimes when I make a post that gets a lot of comments, an I'm On To You post for instance, they show up both on the blog and on Facebook.

And, forgive me Facebook readers, but I've sometimes thought that you're getting it wrong. That comments belong not on the Facebook servers but the ones connected to the blog. That felt like the REAL place to me.

But I'm not sure about that anymore. Because, jeez, what does internet real estate really mean anymore (What did it ever mean, John?) (Shut up.)

I recently heard a speech by the new president of NPR, Vivian Schiller, who said that she sees a day in the near future where the NPR.org website just wouldn't matter anymore since people would receive that content on their Facebook and iPhone and a million other places. It should be noted that Schiller used to be at the New York Times and she claims credit for being the one to take down their dumb Times Select pay feature. Meanwhile, one of the brainy web people at my own company says he wants to move away from the idea of a radio show web page being a "Walden" experience, this pristine disconnected from all other realities. "More Emerson, less Thoreau," another colleague noted.

Meanwhile, I must admit I'm rather hooked on the press-the-lever-get-the-pellet nature of Twitter and do lots of writing there. We're at a curious time in our communications and technology history. It was a short while ago that I marveled at the idea that anyone could create a blog and have instant distribution to anyone who had access to a computer. It was the most dispersing and democratic thing I could think of. Now, this whole blog - which I have no plans to abandon - feels almost like a relic.

**

Today I read the Wikipedia entry on Kim Wilde

I have an excuse: I was trying to shoot some video in my office but I have western exposure and blinds so in the late afternoon I was getting a sort of Kids In America video feel to it. So that's why I was reading about it.

Check that. I have no excuse.

Anyway, there was this:

Her second career as a gardener has been equally successful, having received many accolades within only five years as a serious gardener, including a Gold at the 2005 Chelsea Flower Show. She also held an entry in the book of Guinness World Records for successfully moving and replanting the world's largest tree with fellow horticulturist Dave Fountain. Unfortunately the tree was blown away by a storm in January 2007.


Ah, hell, fine, here:



**

Well here's some music for you.

My colleagues at The Current cool people radio station that is hip but not alienatingly so have launched a little widget thingie. You can listen to The Current now from right here. I might put it over on the side bar later on. Let me know what you think.

Superuseless Superpowers

This is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Superuseless Superpowers. Like "Healing Punch":


Float like a butterfly and sting like the bedside manner of Mother Teresa. As a superhero, sometimes you have to resort to violence. Too bad your ferocious fists instantly heal the damage you inflict. Whereas most punches would deliver a crushing Ivan Drago-like knockout. Yours leave your opponent feeling amazingly refreshed and rejuvenated. At least until he counters with an uppercut to your esophagus.



Then there's:

SUPERUSELESS SUPERPOWER: NO-GOliath
Superhuman size. Totally human feet. Upon engaging the No-Go-liath power, the upper 95% of our superhero swells to impressive size. Shortly thereafter, he topples like Nick Nolte at an open-bar charity ball. Does anyone have a XXXXXL Hoveround?




Oh just go.

**

Walk to Work with Me

When we first moved to St Paul, we lived about 3 miles from where I work and, since it was Spring and then Summer, I would walk to and from each day. Now we live 4 miles away and Winter was here so I haven't walked as much. But today I did and, now that I have the handy iPhone these days, I took pictures of a few of my favorite landmarks on my usual route.

**

Do you have a broken hockey? Or even just a hockey that isn't running like it should? Take it here.

**

This statue is very interesting and located across the street from the broken hockeys. It honors the St Paul legend of a little girl who was born with the back part of a head of a bear and the front part of a head of an old man. She was cared for by a very tall man with a crack in his face who kept her in line using a shoe on a stick.

**

Around the corner is La Cucaracha Mexican Restaurant.
PERSON 1: Well, we're all set to open that Mexican restaurant. All we need now is a name. Maybe La Fiesta? Something like that? Delicioso?
PERSON 2: Let's go with La Cucaracha!
PERSON 1: The cockroach? You want to name our restaurant after a cockroach? You really think that's the best choice? Out of the entire universe of names, out of the infinite possibility of human language, you choose the cockroach?
PERSON 2: Yes, because I want customers to get grossed out and never come here FOR I AM CRAZY!

**

Oh by the way

I'm on to you, Belle & Sebastian.
You too Sean Penn but congrats all the same.


**

Success

It's something I was never sure I had achieved. Until I saw this dude reading from my book on YouTube.



Thank you, Russ.


**

Jokes by Charlie Moe (age 8)

What kind of mythical beast do you put on spaghetti?
Pega-sauce!

Where do lumberjacks go after pre-K?
Timergarten!

Where do cows shop for books?
Barns and No Bull!


Talent show audition is on Monday. Wish him luck.


**

The challenge of photographing a baby

Sometimes there will be a stray crumb...



other times, a stray tear...



Still and all, it's a fun thing to do.

*

Not in the Brochure

We've been in St Paul for nearly a year now. It's been a busy year: arriving in new city, God trying to ice murder me, Margaret born, promoted to host the show, buying a house, show getting canceled, God resuming ice murder efforts.

What's really struck me (besides ice shards) has been the delightful surprises of living here. Things that I didn't expect but have come to love:

1. Kemp's milk. I don't know why but it is better than any other milk I've ever had. And I didn't even know some milk could taste better than other milk. I would drink gallons of this stuff at a sitting if I could get away with it and I just might try one of these days.

2. The bunnies. I've talked about this before but there are bunnies all over. They destroy your garden (solution: don't garden) and are delightful. My love has lessened somewhat with all the tiny bunny poops in my yard.

3. Less wealth. Seattle is a rich town. You go to a coffee shop there and even the people loafing around have top of the line computers. Houses are (were?) expensive but people buy them anyway. Here, there is simply less money and it is an incredible relief. I have become less acquisitive. In Seattle, I used to think about what kind of new car I wanted, here I barely even drive a car and I just don't worry about the whole wealth/status thing. It's nice.

4. Warm hats. Never needed them before but they're a delight! Now I know why all the sullen hipsters wearing them incongruously in warm climates love them so much. Doesn't thwart God but slows His progress.

Look, I'm not down on Seattle. I still love it and miss it in many ways but I think it is of value to look at what is secretly great about where you live.

What's secretly great about where YOU live?


*

Happy President's Day

ME: So if that's TEDDY Roosevelt, who is that there?
CHARLIE (age 8): I don't know. Is it Woodrow Wilson?
ME: No. He's related to Teddy Roosevelt. His last name is also Roosevelt. His first name starts with "F".
CHARLIE: Is it...the bad F word?
ME: No. No, they wouldn't name a president F*ck Roosevelt.
CHARLIE: BUT WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF THEY DID?!

**

ME: Kate, would you want to be president one day?
KATE (age 6): I don't know...it's a pretty big job...but I wonder if there's room service.
ME: You wonder if there's room service when you're president?
KATE: Is there?
ME: I'm pretty sure there is.
KATE: OKAY! I'll DO IT! And is there a hundred rooms in the White House?
ME: Maybe. There's a lot of rooms.
KATE: And does each room HAVE A TV?!
ME: Not every room. Some just have paintings.
KATE: Well, that's okay. I'll still do it.


**

A DARE!

Watch this and then try to be sad. YOU CANNOT DO IT!



My favorite? "I'm her mom!" "No, she's not."

Found at BoingBoing.

**

What, I ask you, is more delightful?

This beautiful Beck cover?

Or the fact that I learned about it from Rainn Wilson's Twitter feed?




**