I Attended My High School Reunion Last Friday
They asked me to make remarks at the beginning of the program.
Remarks I made:
"It's a night of fun, memories, schadenfreude. And because we have Federal Way High School educations, I'll point out that that's a word you can look up on the computer. And because we have Federal Way High School educations, I'll point out that the computer is that little TV with the box attached to it that don't seem to work with the REE-mote."
The Judas Priest lyric study group will not be doing their presentation tonight. They will be meeting at the regular time next week at CoCo's. This week's topic is Turbo Lover. Please wear leather wristbands.
"11:15 has been set aside for the drunken "I've always had a crush on you" confessional. I see the cheerleaders have once again formed a tight closed circle so you know where to find them."
High school classmates, then and now
Then: Mormon girl I had a crush on
Now: Former mormon and current lesbian
Then: Obnoxious football player
Now: Obnoxious sheet metal worker, 100 pounds heavier
Then: Cheerleaders (4) who found themselves fascinating and assumed everyone else did as well
Now: Same but only three of them now
Questions I asked of other people:
So were you hooked on speed at some point? (answer: No! My god, what are you talking about?)
When you got married, did you think that would take care of the lesbian thing? (answer: yes)
Who are you? (answer: Someone you went to school with for six years, my god, I can't believe you don't remember!)
Questions asked of me:
What kind of music does your radio station play (answer: It's not that kind of... see, the way public radio works is....never mind)
Did you ever go to all these parties? (answer: Nope)
Who did you hate the most? (answer: That guy riiiiiiight there. And evidently I still do)
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Way cool. I've enjoyed my Shoreline High School '81 reunions because at each, some guy has apologized for being a jerk during our formative years. Which I think is rather sweet, considering I'm soooo over that.
And is that former lesbian single? Can I get her email address?
Oh, that's gotta be Freudian. I mean, former Mormon/now-lesbian. Eesh.
That's the trouble with high school reunions - it's so easy to spot the people who have actually moved on with their lives, versus those who have spent the past 10 - 15 - 25 years clinging desperately to whatever level of artificially elevated status they had while in high school.
Which is avery, very, very sad thing to see, even if only for once every five years or so.
Boy, where Christopher sees sad I see the opportunity for personal ego boost at the expense of others...
Now, John, the question is did the ex-Mormon lesbian KNOW you had a crush on her? In other words, are you like George Costanza and driving women to the other team?
John, I didn't know you were a fellow Eagle!
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