Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Okay. Last Time. I Swear.

Three Conversations in a Row with Charlie (still Age 6)

HIM: Dad, don't you think Max is too old of a name?
ME: What do you mean?
HIM: Like it's one of those names that's too short that they used to use. Like Bob or Ted. Max. It's just too short and old.
ME: I don't know, there's lots of people named Max.
HIM: Like Red Max, I guess, from Wacky Races. And Office Max. But maybe Max is used to attract girls and that's why it's still around.
ME: It's like a signal to girls to come around?
HIM: Yeah, I think so.


HIM: Can I get a python?
ME: No way.
ME: No. No pythons.
HIM: But they're harmless! I held one at school when the Reptile Man came and they're harmless. What's wrong with a harmless pet?!
ME: You already have a harmless pet. You have a hamster.
HIM: But I need a python. Just a baby size one.
ME: A python the size of a human baby?
HIM: No! A baby python.
ME: Well, why?
HIM: To scare off the girls! To make sure girls don't come into my room. All girls are scared of pythons!
ME: Kate, are you scared of pythons?
KATE: ...no...
HIM: Well not Kate but fancy girls!
ME: I've lived with you your whole life, Charlie, and I've never seen a problem with fancy girls trying to get into your room.
HIM: Well it could happen. AND THAT'S WHY I NEED A PYTHON!

HIM: Dad, I could defeat the Powerpuff Girls. I hate them.
ME: You love the Powerpuff Girls! You just watched a video of them.
HIM: That was only to figure out how to destroy them. All I would need is a puppy to distract Bubbles. Then with Buttercup, I would just let the government shoot her.
ME: You really want to be on the side of the government in a battle against the Powerpuff Girls?
HIM: Well, I am pretty strong.
ME: I guess. But I think you need to rethink your allegiances.


chrismealy said...

Oh man, when he's that brilliant, you can't stop!

Maybe you could make a new quasianonymous blog for it to protect his privacy.

la Ketch said...

you can't stop the conversations with charlie. what will we live for?!

Christopher said...

Ditto. Eventually Charlie will probably have his own blog. But right now, you have the editorial skills to know what parts of his daily conversations are going to resonate the most with readers, so your input is still quite vital to disseminating the preternatural wisdom of your offspring.

Jennifer said...

That's the hardest I've laughed all day. I NEED this. I urge you to continue in your backslidden ways.

Tina Rowley said...

Charlie is bringing it. You can't stop the master when his powers are peaking. Although, who am I kidding? They've always been peaking.

Office Max is a total player. Fancy girl city at his pad.

the beige one said...

I notice there's a missing PPG in his plan...Buttercup may have her hands full with the gov't (backed by Him, natch), but then Blossom will come in and POW!

BIG trouble for the boy.

Just saying.

Anonymous said...

O.k., I have a little boy AND a fancy girl at my house! I hadn't considered it before, but I think I might have to get Desi a python, 'cause he's having trouble keeping the fancy girl out of his room.