I was at a Starbucks a few days ago and they were playing that kind of music they always play. This time it was Joss Stone. I'm sure she's a lovely person and of course many people like her music. But I said to myself, "I'm on to you, Joss Stone". I felt like she was putting one over on people and I wanted her to know that I was not fooled. What was her deceit? Being a young English woman trying to sing with more soul than her life experiences could have possibly afforded her? Maybe. But it was broader than that. I just felt like, "you're not pulling the wool over my eyes, Joss Stone. You can't hoodwink me, Joss Stone. I've done the MATH, Joss Stone."
Or more broadly, I'm on to you, Joss Stone.
Here's who/what else I'm on to:
I'm on to you, cable TV political coverage.
I'm on to you, October weather in Seattle.
I'm on to you, chicken sandwiches.
I'm on to you, Seattle Weekly.
I'm on to you, Curt Schilling.
I'm on to both of you, Maya Angelou and Dane Cook.
It got me thinking, who or what are YOU on to?
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I am on to you, trigonometry.
I am on to you, fake grass that looks like real grass.
I am on to you, electric razor.
I am on to you, Carl Buddig.
I'm ON to you John Longenbaugh.
I'm ON to you David Della AND Tim Burgess.
I'm ON to you diet soda.
I'm ON to you store-made veggie trays.
I am on to you, sundried tomatoes.
Roasted red peppers and Christopher Hitchens, no need to look smug, for I am on to you, too.
Renee Zellweger, if you're not on to the fact that I'm on to you by now, I don't know what you're on to.
I'm on to YOU John Moe!
Perhaps we're all on to each other.
Oh, and I'm on to you, Raul Ibanez. So, so very on to you.
I'm on to you, C. Bennett.
I'm on to you, Seattle City Council.
I'm on to you, Dalai Lama.
I'm on to you, Anthony Hopkins.
I'm on to you, greenhouse tomatoes
I'm on to you, Ralph Lauren (yes, 40 years worth)
I'm on to you, Frank Deford
I'm so on to you, Greek yogurt
I am on to you, "cousins" Dora and Diego
I am on to you, every dirty stinkin' hair product that claims to rid my hair of frizz
I am on to you, parking stalls marked "compact"
I'm on to you, pumpkin farms. Because pre-cut pumpkins scattered around a dirt field does not a farm make.
I'm on to you, "sexy" pirate/vampire/nurse/frankenstein costumes.
I'm on to you, airplane snacks. Oh, yes I am.
I'm on to you, John Moe and Weekend America. A little kid at the National Zoo in DC last week was chanting, "Everybody Dance Now!" by the panda enclosures, and I knew just whom to blame.
I am so onto you air popped popcorn.
I'm on to you, waitstaff who ask, "How is everything tasting?"
I'm on to you, couples that are way too schmoopie.
I'm on to you, Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell.
I am on to you, "take a penny, leave a penny"!
I am on to you, triple- A batteries!
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