Tuesday, May 02, 2006


There is no worse song than Styx' Grand Illusion. I checked. Not even Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves.


Anonymous said...

I can certainly think of some contenders:

1) Muskrat Love
2) More, More, More
3) Barney's theme song
4) Time, Love, and Tenderness
5) Revolution 9
6) Anything by Celine Dion
7) I wanna be sedated
8) Pink Floyd's "Our Song" (might be Syd Barrett on his own)
9) Duran Duran's Notorious
10) Culture Club's Do You Really Want to Hurt Me

Scott Chicken said...

Two words: Mr. Roboto.

Stop it! said...

So, you're saying that "Who Let the Dogs Out" is better?

Christopher said...

This is VH-1's List of "The 50 Worst Rock Songs of All Time" (It IS VH-1, so take it as you will):

50. Corey Hart - I Wear My Sunglasses at Night
49. Puff Daddy f/ Faith Evans & 112 - "I'll Be Missing You'
48. Michael Bolton - 'Can I Touch You There'
47. Bobby Brown w/Whitney Houston, 'Something in Common'
46. Spin Doctors - Two Princes
45. Ruben Studdard, 'I'm Sorry'
44. Billy Joel - We Didn't Start The Fire
43. Master P feat. Silkk, Fiend, Mia-x & Mystikal - 'Make Em Say Uhh'
42. Rednex - Cotton Eye Joe
41. JC Chasez - 'Some Girls (Dance with Women)'
40. 4 Non Blondes, 'What's Up'
39. Snow - 'Informer'
38. Ja Rule - Mesmerize
37. Bette Midler, "From a Distance"
36. Color Me Badd - I Wanna Sex You Up
35. Don Johnson - Heartbeat
34. Crazytown - 'Butterfly'
33. Jennifer Lopez - 'Jenny from the Block'
32. Mr. Mister - Broken Wings
31. R. Kelly, 'You Remind Me of Something'
30. Nelly - Pimp Juice
29. Meatloaf - 'I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't do That)
28. Rick Astley - 'Never Gonna Give You Up'
27. Wreckx-N-Effect - 'Rump Shaker'
26. Bryan Adams - The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me is You
25. Michael Jackson, 'You Rock My World'
24. Phil Collins, "Sussudio"
23. Sisqo - 'The Thong Song'
22. Lionel Richie - Dancing on the Ceiling
21. Rembrandts, "I'll Be There For You"
20. Toby Keith, 'Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue'
19. Chicago - You're the Inspiration
18. Hammer - 'Pumps and a Bump'
17. Right Said Fred, "I'm Too Sexy"
16. Europe, "The Final Countdown"
15. Crash Test Dummies - Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm
14. Will Smith, "Will2K"
13. Aqua - 'Barbie Girl'
12. New Kids on the block - Hangin' Tough
11. Gerardo - Rico Suave
10. Huey Lewis & the News - Heart of Rock-n-Roll
9. Bobby McFerrin - Don't Worry Be Happy
8. Ricky Martin - She Bangs
7. Eddie Murphy, "Party All the Time"
6. Deep Blue Something, "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
5. Vanilla Ice, "Ice Ice Baby"
4. Limp Bizkit, "Rollin'"
3. Wang Chung - Everybody Have Fun Tonight
2. Billy Ray Cyrus, "Achy Breaky Heart"
1. Starship, "We Built This City"

I notice this has a definite 1980's/1990's bias. For example, missing is Melanie's "Brand New Key"; 1910 Fruitgum Company's "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I've Got Love In My Tummy"; Jim Webb's "McArthur Park", and other "classics" from the late '60's/early '70's.

susansinclair said...

And where is "Afternoon Delight"? Come on, now: "Sticks that rub together make the sparks ignite"? And you know we're gonna disagree on a few--like "I wanna be sedated," which I rather like.

Tina Rowley said...

What a typo! I think you must have meant to say "better" where you typed "worst". There is no better song than Grand Illusion. You understand me, here. The song has traveled all the way through the Land of Bad, in one border and out the other into the land of the Sublimely Delightful. Imagine those Styx men prancing about in their capes being all dramatical when performing it. Imagine the Styx men coming together for band practice, all dead serious and all, "Listen to what I wrote" and "I think I've come up with something" and "I think I can add to that" and all serious-faced and working on the song together.

I love ridiculous, ridiculous Grand Illusion. It makes me soar with optimism every time I hear it. Totally unironic optimism! Optimism that has travelled all the way through the Land of Irony and out the other side.

Jennifer said...

I remember when Ironic by Alanis Morissette came out and you hated it soooooo much because nothing in the song was an example of irony. Styx is worse than that?

john said...

I'm sorry, there seems to be some confusion that this is all a matter of opinion. Unfortunately it's not. Grand Illusion = worst ever.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if we can check with Charlie (Age 5), who doesn't seem encumbered by adult biases, and can offer a clear assessment of song badness.

On second thought, I revel in the newfound freedom, having found an objective authority (you) on contentious ideas masquerading as subjectivity.

Please help me then:
1) Best/Worst food ever?
2) Best/Worst place ever?
3) *BEST* song, ever?
4) Best M&M Variety?
5) Best Compliment you've ever received, given, or overheard?
6) Worst Insult ever?

Sean Nelson said...

the long and winding road.

Anonymous said...

Wham....."Wake Me Up Before You Go GO" Makes me want blow my brains out.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the Chickens should cover some of these. WAIT maybe the Chickens should perform an amalgam of ALL the worst songs. It can go on and on, till the break of dawn (nod to My Girl Tina Got a Big Ol' Butt, by L.L. Cool J -- which should also be in the running...), and, then, at midnight, the medley can climax with All for Layna, by Billy Joel, which really _soooooper_ sucks. Have CK sing it for you some time. Hilarity.