Some Would Say It Was Wrong To Elect a Zombie...



(found on the estimable Wonkette site)

US News & World Report Releases Cat from Bag

Well, I can give you the link, or I can just reprint the blurb from the Washington Whispers section of US News & World Report:

Learning How the Other Half Lives
There's at least one liberal who wants to know how the other half lives. Seattle public-radio-show host John Moe spent a month immersed in conservative culture--forgoing the New York Times, resetting his radio from NPR to Rush Limbaugh, and making pilgrimages to the Reagan and Nixon libraries. He chronicles the ideological adventure in Conservatize Me, to be published by William Morrow next year. The hardest part? Listening to patriotic country and western songs. "Liberals have better music," he insists. But Moe also found conservatives to be funnier. "To be funny you have to have confidence," he says. "And you develop confidence when you rule the world."

As you know all too well if you've read this blog, I'm writing a book. Turning in the manuscript on Thursday, in fact. And the wave of publicity is on.

The idea of the book is that I took a month this summer to try to become a conservative. I met with pundits/celebrities Rich Lowry, Jonah Goldberg, William Kristol, and "Jeff Gannon", and had them attempt to convert me. I walked among the College Republicans at the College Republican National Convention and had an opportunity to stand a few feet from Tom DeLay and scream at full volume. I made pilgrimages to the Reagan, Nixon, and Quayle(!) museums and had varying levels of resonance. I spent 4th of July in a rural Idaho county that voted for Bush at a national record 92%. I went to a Toby Keith concert, fired guns, test drove an Escalade, and listened to a whole lot of conservative talk radio. I also endured a whole lot of Lee Greenwood music and ate more beef jerky than is prudent.

It was interesting. I went a little insane after a while, to be perfectly honest with you. I feel better now.

The book will be out next October, I believe.

Consider the Code Cracked!

Thank you, local gym that I belong to, for slyly deducing that when I said I didn't care what locker you assigned me, I was really saying, "please put me right next to the desperately unhealthy very very old naked man who moves really slow and will be there right when I go to change." You read me like a book!

It Finally Happened.

You know how you always wonder if you get really high up on the swing, will you go all the way around? Lately, Charlie and Kate have been talking a lot. Like, a LOT. Like, all the time they're talking. And they are young children whose lives consist mostly of their preschool, home, the park, some books they've read, and animated videos. But still they talk, wringing the maximum amount of words out of their minimal experiences. As has been evidenced at this site in the past. But last night in the car, the well finally ran dry but they found a way to...keep...talking...anyway.

KATE: Look! There's the Y!
CHARLIE: That's not the Y!
KATE: There's a monkey outside! I see a monkey!
CHARLIE: There's no monkey!
JILL: What do you see outside, Kate?
KATE: Just cars!
CHARLIE: I have a butt!
KATE: The Y!
CHARLIE: Bla-bla-bla!
KATE: Bla-bla!
CHARLIE: Bla-bla-bla-bla-blaaaaa!
KATE: BLAAAA!
ME: I knew this day would arrive.
CHARLIE and KATE: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA!

Things from today...

Just got off the phone with a reporter from US News & World Report. Apparently a small bit about The Book is going to be in the Washington Whispers section some time soon. Is Washington Whispering about my book? I kind of doubt that. But hey, I'll gladly accept publicity for a book that is still a year away from publication. Gladly.

Also, I'm adding Hey, Terrific! to the list of linkies on the side there. It's Sean Nelson's blog and he is several things: lead singer of Harvey Danger who have a new album out that you can download for free or you can buy it or do whatever you like, an entertaining blogger, a very good writer, and a nice fellow. He's got the Rolling Stones' "Waiting on a Friend" on his iPod. Or so he told me.

Was Tiny Einstein Robot Just Being Polite Or Is He A Loyal Republican?



(found on Boing Boing )

If only Tiny Robot Einstein was able to smash through doors.

A Conversation with Charlie (Age 5) and Kate (Age 3) About Responsibilities

CHARLIE: Dad, when are we going to get the new baby? The adopted baby?
ME: Well, we have no plans to get one. We've never even looked into that. So I guess either a long, long time from now or never.
CHARLIE: You and Mom will take care of the adopted baby and Kate and me will take care of the rest of the house.
ME: Really? That sounds great. So you'll do all the cooking?
CHARLIE: We'll need help with that.
ME: And cleaning? You'll clean the house?
CHARLIE: No, we can't do that.
ME: Well what exactly will you do?
KATE: towels.
CHARLIE: We'll wash the pet whale!
ME: Pet whale? We don't have a pet whale.
KATE: Whale!
ME: And I don't think it would need washing anyway, what with the swimming.
CHARLIE: Then Kate and me will have giant scary eyeballs and WATCH everything in the house!
KATE: Eyeballs!
CHARLIE: Dad, who has no eyeballs?
ME: Well, I don't--
CHARLIE: I know! The earth! THE EARTH HAS NO EYEBALLS, DAD!
KATE: Eyeballs!

A Converation with Charlie (Age 5) About the Animal Kingdom

The highly social girls in Charlie's preschool class like to play "cats", which involves slinking around on the ground, meowing, and kind of grooming one another. Yesterday, Charlie got involved in their game. Kinda.

HIM: Dad, the girls were playing cats and I scared one of them! And she ran away and screamed! And she ran all over the big yard!
ME: Wow. How did you scare her?
HIM: I went like this! (pounding his chest in a gorilla fashion)AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!Remember when they did that at the zoo? The gorillas?
ME: Sure.
HIM: But they didn't scream. But I screamed.
ME: So why did you do that?
HIM: Because it was funny!
ME: Yeah. Well, you're right about that.
HIM: And cats are scared of gorillas.
ME: Well I guess we know that now.
HIM: Can we go see King Kong?
ME: I don't know. We may have to.

A Conversation with Charlie (Age 5, as of tomorrow)

HIM: Dad, what does "deaf" mean?
ME: It means you can't hear.
HIM: But it has another meaning, too.
ME: What? No it doesn't.
HIM: It means when you die.
ME: No no, that's "death".
HIM: Right. Deaf.
ME: No. Deaf has a fff sound. Death has a th sound. Deaf is when you can't hear, death is when you die.
HIM: Oh. But Dad, when you die, you can't hear either.

How is Your Book Going?

Haven't answered this in some time. Probably because in the real world, fewer people ask. Which is because in the real world, no one sees me. I took this week off from work to just buckle down and write write write. The previous mention of a first draft word count of 130,000 was erroneously missing a 7,000 word chapter. But now, 40% of the way through draft 3, it's down to 122,000. So instead of being a 500 page humor book, it's a 430 page humor book. And if there's one thing everyone loves in a humor book, it's LENGTH! But I do have talented and eager editors. Their jobs shall not be dull.

A Landmark Event

(at the coffee shop today, writing)

SOME LADY: Hey, aren't you in that band Chicken Starship?
ME: Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
SOME LADY: I saw you guys at The Blue Moon. It was the most amazing thing I've seen in months.
ME: Thank you.
SOME LADY: No, thank you.
ME: I've never been recognized from the band and we've been together, in some form, for like twelve years.
SOME LADY: Well, I loved it. (she leaves)
BARISTA: Are you a musician?
ME: Ah...no, not really.

A Conversation With Family Members (other than Charlie) About Memories

JILL: How come you always write about Charlie in your blog but not about Kate?
ME: Well Kate is so normal. Charlie says all these weird things, you know? And I don't write about the normal stuff or the cute stuff and I'm more interested in the weird. Charlie gives me lots of weird.
JILL: That's true.
KATE (age 3): I...like...to...eat...pee.
JILL: You eat pee?
KATE: Yeah. And poop.
ME: What?
KATE: I eat pee and poop, Daddy.
JILL: What does the pee taste like, Kate?
KATE: My eye.
JILL: And how about the poop?
KATE: Hmm...foot.
JILL: So that's going in the blog?
ME: Yes. Yes, it is.

Regarding the Proposed All-Male Go-Go's Cover Band I May Start

John Smersh, who wants to be the Jane Weidlin impersonator, thinks we should be called "Our Lips Have Mustaches". But I, the presumed Belinda, favor "We Got The Meat".

update: John came up with "We Got The Meat" on his own as well. And found another all-male Go-Go's tribute band out of LA. But we'll be better than them. Once we play, and rehearse, and, uh, form.

A Conversation with Charlie (Age 4, still) About Aging

HIM: WHEN! WHEN! When will I turn fiiiiive?!
ME: Oh it's going to be soon. I know it's hard to wait.
HIM: Am I five NOW?
ME: No. Here's what you do. Today is November 1st. Your birthday is November 14th. So it's thirteen more days. Then you're five.
HIM: How many is thirteen?
ME: More than twelve, less than fourteen.
HIM: I want to turn FIVE! I don't want to wait SIXTY ONE YEARS!