Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Official Monkey Disaster Super Tuesday Analysis Spectacular

1. Republicans behaved in a predictable way, choosing the candidate they knew best. Because Republicans almost always do this.
2. The Evangelical candidate did well in the South, as Evangelical candidates almost always do.
3. The Mormon candidate did well in Utah, a state that is home to many Mormons.
4. The Democrats had a hard time making up their minds.
5. Super Tuesday did not resolve the presidential race.
6. The campaigns of the Democratic candidates tried to explain the results in a way that favored their candidates.
7. Noisy people shouted things into television cameras in an attempt to attach greater meaning to all this.*
7. Fish swam. Birds, on the other hand, chose to fly.
8. Bears shit in the woods.
9. The Pope is Catholic.
10. Bacon is delicious.

John Moe, professional political author and pundit.
Conservatize Me, now available in paperback.

* I assume they did. We don't have that kind of cable anymore. Ditched it after the '04 election. We're happier.

1 comment:

Scott Chicken said...

And in more important Super Tuesday news, the freaks freaking BROUGHT IT to Atlanta for the American Idol auditions, which provided a nice bit of mindless levity to those of us not willing to listen to 2 hours of punditry.