Thursday, September 13, 2007

I Am Very Old

Here's how I know that:

1. Finally cut the damn hair. The last straw wasn't even when the hair evolved from late-era Ron Wood to Hobo Sea Captain. It was when my lovingish wife used the phrase "mid-life crisis". Thanks. Honey.

2. Our local Fox affiliate has replaced 11pm reruns of The Simpsons with reruns of Family Guy, a show I find intermittently funny and sometimes very funny but so cruel and filled with dwarf jokes that I just can't relax into it. I imagine this is what it felt like to people older than me when The Simpson started running in place of M*A*S*H or something.

3. Conversation at Indy Hipster Coffee Shop Near Where I Work:
ME: How much is that Asiago bagel?
MANAGER: The gourmet ones are $2.15
ME: That one is 95 cents up the street at (local bagel shop) where you get them from.
MANAGER: Really? I'll have to go check that out. But I bet our cream cheese is cheaper. We're the best, that's why there's always a crowd here. That's why everyone wants to be like us.
ME: (silently surveying the crowd, which consists of me and a dude in leather pants, thinking about how I didn't go to Starbucks this morning cause the line was seven people deep) And you're humble too.
MANAGER: No, we're not humble, just the best. We're like the New York Yankees!
ME: That might not be the best way to market your shop in Seattle.
MANAGER: Well, it's true!
ME: (imagining a day when the store burns to the ground and no one is hurt and somehow no one loses their livelihood and in fact they're happier than ever and I walk by and dance a small jig upon the smoldering ashes)

4. In tomorrow's Seattle Times: something I propose to do about my descent into elderliness.


Glenn Fleishman said...

Bagel store's 95 cents: raw ingredients about 10 cents. Labor is the rest of the cost. If they throw a stale bagel away, they lose the raw cost plus a little labor, but not much across the entire task of making and selling it.

Bagel store sells the bagel to Indy Hipster Scumbag Cafe That You Inexplicably Continue to Frequent for 70 or 80 cents. Mark up is to $2.15 because they will not sell all bagels in a given day. Marking up to $2.15 ensures bagel will not sell in given day.

Rinse, relax, repeat.

Scott Chicken said...

$2.15 for a bagel? Suddenly the $7 Starbucks sandwich isn't sounding like such a bad deal.

As a point of reference, I can get a bagel toasted and with plain cream cheese for about $1.30. And that's downtown where I'm sure costs are higher than in West Seattle, no matter how awesomely Yankee they are. Granted, it's Cinnamon Raisin rather than Asiago, but that's mainly because I'm not exactly sure what "Asiago" means, and I'm a bit worried that the "iago" part of the name means that the bagel will infuse me with a jealous rage that makes me kill my wife.

john said...

You actually have to hold a pillow full of cream cheese over the bagel and smother it. Then comes the mournful soliloquy. And who has time for that in the morning?

Anonymous said...

I am very more disturbed that our local Fox station has moved the Simpsons to the 5.30/6.00 slot leaving us an entire hour of Two and a Half Men

The Man Who Couldn't Blog said...

I'm disappointed by the 11pm Simpsons for Family Guy trade, but not as much as I am about the 7pm Simpsons for Two and a Half Men. I liked watching it right after work.

Now what am I supposed to do? Read?