Why I and we do what we and I do

I was recently watching an interview with Anil Dash. Anil, who I've also interviewed recently, is a sort of proto-blogger. He's been running something that's more or less a blog for over a decade now. He's also turbo smart. And he was talking about the term "blogger" and how to call someone a blogger is becoming increasingly meaningless. It would be like calling someone a clothes wearer or phone user: everyone's doing it. A few are doing it on sites like this one, but way more are using Facebook and Twitter, posting updates on what they're up to, what they think, links to things they found interesting. The platforms have become easier, the posts are shorter, but the guts of the operation are the same. We blog, we talk, we post, we update, we write.

A while back, I started tinkering around with Tumblr and created a version of this site there. The user interface is much better than Blogger.com's, you can post more things more rapidly. I'd go so far as to say it's better.

But lately I've sort of stopped doing anything with it. I still Twitter to anyone who wants to read me, I post more personal things to Facebook to anyone who fits a very liberal definition of "friend", but the Tumblr area has become fallow ground even though it's easier.

However, beyond being easier Tumblr is also much more interactive. It's easy to re-post things from other people's Tumblr blogs, the idea of followers is a much bigger deal than on Blogger, there's a ranking for "tumblarity", which is not a word but proposes to be a numerical rating of how popular you are.

I think it's too much. I wonder if I'm now so old-fashioned (I started this blog in 2003) that I want something that could be described as "classical" even though it's remarkably new technology. I want to post things and not really know how many people read it. I want to have comments enabled, provided people aren't jerks, but I don't need any chat function enabled. It sounds horribly arrogant but I really want it to be mostly about me and not about my place in the community of people acting like me.

It dates back to starting this blog in the first place. I started it after Rewind (NPR news/satire show I worked on) got canceled as a means of keeping my writing in shape. Since then I've done a bunch more radio and a bunch more writing but I kept it going as a place where I could just write what struck me as interesting that I wanted to share without the necessary editorial pressures of commercial viability, without worrying about the reception. This clunky old stupid Blogger.com platform, which you'd think Google of all people would have improved by now, is the best way to keep doing that and I don't think Tumblr is.

It's odd to realize that the archaic technology is preferable. Think I'll go buy a printed newspaper now. And an 8-track player.

Here's a monkey who takes care of a baby:



**

Vengeance

Someday soon physical Blockbuster stores will close and I'll be glad. Limited selection, high prices, deceptive policies,...uh...all that BLUE, hate 'em. But what I hate most is that every time I go in there (and I do) they ask me if I'd like to sign up for their rewards club. I don't, I tell them I don't, and then they keep pushing it. And I say NO more emphatically. And then when I come back, they ask again. I've established my lack of interest but they persist.

I guess what really bugs me is that I am already buying something there and then at the point of purchase they're interrupting the process to get me to buy something more. It would be like going to the grocery store and the checker pauses and holds up some laundry detergent and asks if you'd like to buy it. You say no but then the checker talks about how great the detergent is.

But you know what? It's beyond that. It's trying to get you to sign up for something where they will take your money regularly. Like a detergent club.

So I've become upset at them more than a few times and I get the "this customer is crazy" look from the blue golf shirt clerks. And screw you, don't look at me like that, your whole enterprise will be made unnecessary once Redbox gets its act together.

Well anyway, getting mad does no one any good. So yesterday after getting the pitch ONE MORE TIME, I tried a new approach. Five minutes after leaving the store, I called them.

BOB: Thank you for calling Blockbuster, this is Bob.
ME (doing a sort of Will Ferrell on painkillers voice, verrrrry sloooow): Do you have a movie...called...Firehaver?
BOB: Fire what?
ME: Haver. Haver. Haaaaaver. Firehaver.
BOB: Could you spell that?
ME: F-i-r-e.
BOB: The second part?
ME: Haver. H-a-v-e-r. Firehaver. Firehaver. About a man who has fire. It's a drama.
BOB: I'm not seeing anything by that name. Are you sure you--
ME: How about David Was Wrong? David Was Wrong. David. Was. Wrong.
BOB: Let me see.
ME: David Was Wrong. Three words. It's a drama. About David. Do you have it in stock and can I pick it up today?
BOB: I don't--
ME: David Was Wrong?
BOB: No, I'm sorry. Striking out here.
ME: Kneebone? Kneebone? It's another movie called Kneebone. It's a comedy. Kneeeeebone?
BOB: Kneebone...
ME: K-n-e-e-b-o-n-e. Kneeeeeeebone? Comedy?
BOB: Boy, I'm really sorry. I don't see anything called that.
ME: I guess I just wasted your time then. I guess I wasted your time.
BOB: Oh, that's --
ME: Kind of like when someone just wants to rent a movie and you try to sell them on your rewards club and they've already told you many times they don't want to join but you won't ring them up until you've tried to sell it to them?
BOB: Uh...what?

**

It's Not Called All Being Master of Space and Dimension Hero, Eddie.

You erased Michael Anthony from history like some out-of-favor Bolshevik? Sucks.

Instead you expect people to be okay with Wolfgang “Craft Services Table” Van Halen on a ride through history? Sucks.

Though I’m no fan of Sammy, I guess that whole era didn’t really happen? Sucks.

I’ve seen better character rendering in, well, I’m thinking, something in 1993…’s butt. Sucks.

The fact that this game isn’t called Eddie’s Delusion That He Is God And Control History And People’s Minds With His Strappy Guitar? SUCKS!

This game sucks.

Fantastic, unbearable, great

That's the life cycle of my experience listening to several of my favorite musicians. I'll find some music that I JUST LOVE SO MUCH that I can't stop listening to it. Entire album at least four times a week. Compulsive need.
Examples:
Ben Folds Five - Whatever and Ever Amen
Decemberists - Picaresque
The Hold Steady - Stay Positive

There have been MANY others. But what happens is that I listen to them to the point of burn out. Then I can't listen any more. It's like I've used them up. I overdid it. I didn't take a sip of their wine or a glass or even a bottle, I was hospitalized with musical alcohol poisoning.

But then, THEN, sometimes months later or years later, I can re-discover the music and it's like an old friend. The love is deeper, fleshed out by memory.

You have any music like that? Or am I crazy?

How I paid for my wedding in 1995

Sincerely,
Your humble correspondent with glasses.

Today I received a Facebook friend request from "Marty Riemer Show"

which is not a person but rather a program on KMTT 103.7 FM in Seattle. I opted for "ignore" on this request. It wasn't because I don't know how one can be friends with a show. It was because when I used to hear the show, it behaved in a way I thought unfriendly. I think if an entity wants to be treated as a person within online social networks, it should expect the same treatment given to human beings. Here's what I wrote back to them:

I deeply respect and admire all you've done to promote comedy but I cannot accept you as a friend because you offend me. (feels weird to talk to a show as if it were a person, I understand the show and Marty are different entities).

I no longer live in Seattle but when I did I was a regular listener to the 5:20 Funny. But on more than one occasion, I would hear jokes using the word "midget". That's a word seen as offensive to many people, including most in the little people community. It has its roots in 19th century freak shows and the people who use it today tend to mean it in that same demeaning, dehumanizing way. It's not funny, it's cruel, just like any racist or homophobic joke would be.

I would occasionally write to you when one of these jokes aired but rarely got a response. I know that not everyone is going to love every joke and I know that shock and offense are sometimes part of comedy. But you wouldn't air a racial slur meant in a cruel way so I don't think you should allow slurs that demean people born with an anomalous genetic condition.

I think if one of my real life friends repeatedly used the word "midget", they would cease to be my friend. My daughter was born with dwarfism and anyone who demeans her is no friend of mine.

Sorry, Marty Reimer Show.

Charlie and Griffey

Ages 6 and 37:


Ages 8 and 39:


**

Holy smokes, have I really been gone a month?

Guess so. Neck deep in new project at work that I hope can become public in the not too distant future. Meanwhile, I came across this thing at Kevin Kelly's website. He's one of those transcending-technology types and just unfairly smart. He's making a larger point about inevitable innovations vs. ones that you can control. So for instance adolescence is inevitable, pimples are not, phones are inevitable, iPhones are not. And he says:

Ordinary Roman carts were constructed to match the width of Imperial Roman war chariots because it was easier to follow the ruts in the road left by the war chariots. The chariots were sized to accommodate the width of two large war horses, which translates into our English measurement as a width of 4’ 8.5”. Roads throughout the vast Roman empire were built to this spec. When the legions of Rome marched into Britain, they constructed long distance imperial roads 4’ 8.5” wide. When the English started building tramways, they used the same width so the same horse carriages could be used. And when they started building railways with horseless carriages, naturally the rails were 4’ 8.5” wide. Imported laborers from the British Isles built the first railways in the Americas using the same tools and jigs they were used to. Fast forward to the US Space shuttle, which is built in parts around the country and assembled in Florida. Because the two large solid fuel rocket engines on the side of the launch Shuttle were sent by railroad from Utah, and that line transversed a tunnel not much wider than the standard track, the rockets themselves could not be much wider than 4’ 8.5.” As one wag concluded: “So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of two horses’ arse.” More or less, this is how technology constrains itself over time.

I am inspired

by Anil Dash’s cancellation of the term FAIL:

Because it marks a lack of human empathy, and signifies an absence of intellectual curiosity, it is an unacceptable response to creative efforts in our culture. “Fail!” is the cry of someone who doesn’t create, doesn’t ship, doesn’t launch, who doesn’t make things. And because these people don’t make things, they don’t understand the context of those who do.

Years ago, I worked at a summer camp in the San Juan Islands. I actually met the wonderful person who would become my wife there. And a summer camp, at its best, is this amazing volcano of creativity: you have the energy of hundreds of young campers, counselors who are still young themselves, you have music, you have nature, you have recreation and physical activity, you DON'T have electronic media. It's perfect, really. But there was this one person who, whenever something truly creatively odd would be presented (be it a song or a skit or just a joke) would make a yucky face and say, "Random!" She even made a song for people to sing with the lyrics, "Random, random, that was so random." A song is a creative act, sure, but she just borrowed an existing camp melody and put in her cynical patronizing words.

And, like, go to hell, you know? It's not random, it's a creative act inspired by the environment we're all sharing and that's a beautiful thing that sets us apart from the goddamn insects. I bet she uses FAIL all the time.

Vince Young

He’s a quarterback for the Tennessee Titans of the NFL. Last season, after losing his starting job, getting booed, and getting injured, he left his house without his phone but with a pistol, this after mentioning suicide several times over the course of the day. An APB was sent out and he was finally tracked down.

I haven’t heard much on the story since then but recently saw a short interview with Young on ESPN. In the interview, an excerpt of a longer version to air later this summer, Young says that he wasn’t considering suicide, that he just needed to clear his head and that he went to his uncle’s house.

You can’t know someone’s mind from watching a few minutes of tape but, how to phrase this, something seems wrong here. It’s just my gut but I don’t think he’s telling the truth. Young has every reason in the world to say that he had no thoughts of hurting himself, millions of dollars of reasons, in fact. As a star athlete for most of his life, he’s also existed in a world where toughness and exhibited strength are highly valued and mental illness is treated very differently from a torn ACL.

The topic of NFL players and suicide didn’t start with Young. Star receiver Terrell Owens attempted suicide in 2006 but he too claimed it was all a big misunderstanding. I hope someone in the NFL offices is taking mental health seriously although I doubt they are. After Owens denied that he attempted suicide, his publicist, demonstrating a real deft understanding of mental health, had this to say: “Terrell has 25 million reasons,” she said, “why he should be alive.” Or at least make people think he wants to be.

Unauthorized Trader Joe's commercial made by a guy who just really likes Trader Joe's

I watch this when I'm sad to become happier. Or when I'm kind of happy and want to get happier still.

Strange thing

Whenever I commit to blogging more here, I usually do the opposite. So I wonder if I'm about to start blogging more here because I plan to do less. I'm currently involved in a project that has a heavy blogging element but not in a real obvious public way. It's temporary but for the moment it's sucking up a lot of the bloggy brain cells. So I THINK I will be easing back on this for the next 3-4 weeks. Until then you can find me on Twitter and sometimes on the Tumblr blog.

**

A Conversation with Charlie (age 8) About Literature

HIM: Dad, is To Kill A Mockingbird a real book?
ME: Yes.
HIM: Do they really kill a mockingbird?
ME: No.
HIM: Does anyone get killed?
ME: Yes.
HIM: Why do they call it that?
ME: It's an analogy.
(pause)
HIM: Does someone at least turn into a mockingbird?



**

It's easier

Tumblr, I mean. Way easier to blog. If I have something I want to post, I can do it right away. And unlike Blogger, I choose whether I'm posting a photo, text, link, audio, video, or discussion and it then delivers me a template to speed that along. The fact that it all takes about 1/3 the amount of time a posting requires here makes a huge difference to my posting without, I HOPE, a drop off in relevance and quality.

Not sure where I go from here but I encourage you to read me over there as well.

**

At the coffee shop this morning

(I remove my headphones and place my order, BARISTA pours coffee, hands it to me, rings me up.)

BARISTA: What are you listening to?

ME: Oh. This American Life.

BARISTA: I don’t know what that is.

ME: It’s a public radio show.

BARISTA: Oh, like MPR? I love MPR.

ME: So do I. I actually work there.

BARISTA: I don’t sleep very much, I just can’t fall asleep easily, so listen to the BBC a lot late at night. It’s fantastic.

ME: It certainly is. I love the BBC.

BARISTA: Well, I’ll let you get to work. Thank you for all you do. Thanks for making all that wonderful radio.

ME: You’re welcome. Thanks for listening to it.

(and I leave with more of a spring in my step than coffee could ever provide.)

Fooling around with Tumblr

It really does seem like an easier blogging platform than Blogger. So I set up a version of this blog over there to try it out. I've been looking for somewhere to store interesting things I come across: stories, pictures, videos. So I'm going to try to make the Tumblr page less about writing and more just, kinda, stuff I brought home from the store. We'll see how it goes. I'll keep doing stuff here too.

Anyway: check it out if you like.

**

Bands that have songs named after bands

Wilco is live streaming their new album - FOR FREE! TEMPORARILY! - and the first song is called "Wilco". After asserting on Twitter that the only band I knew of that had a song named after themselves was Talk Talk with "Talk Talk" off the album Talk Talk, I come to find out it's way more common than I thought:

* 45 Grave's "45 Grave"
* A's "A" (from album A vs Monkey Kong)
* Anthrax's "Anthrax" (from album Fistful of Metal)
* Armor For Sleep's "Armor For Sleep" (from album Dream to Make Believe)
* At the Gates's "At the Gates" (from album Garden of Grief)
* Avantasia's "Avantasia" (from album "The Metal Opera")
* Babyshambles's "Babyshambles"
* Bad Acid Trip's "Bad Acid Trip"
* Beastie Boys' "Beastie Boys"
* Belle & Sebastian's "Belle & Sebastian" (from the EP Dog On Wheels, and re-released as part of the album Push Barman to Open Old Wounds)
* Blue Öyster Cult's "Blue Öyster Cult" (from album Imaginos)
* Born Blind's "Born Blind" (from album One for All)
* bob hund's "bob hund" (from album Omslag: Martin Kann)
* Brand Nubian's "Brand Nubian"
* Brian Wilson's "Brian Wilson" (from the album Live at the Roxy Theatre, a cover of the song by Barenaked Ladies)
* Built to Spill's "Built to Spill" (from album Ultimate Alternative Wavers)
* Captain Jack's "Captain Jack" (from album The Mission)
* Chicago's "Chicago" ( from album Night and Day: Big Band)
* Children of Bodom's "Children of Bodom" (from album Hatebreeder)
* Choking Victim's "Choking Victim"
* Julian Cope's "Julian H. Cope" (from jehovahkill)
* Daddy DJ's "Daddy DJ"
* Dali's Car's "Dali's Car"
* Delta 5's "Delta 5"
* Descendents's "Descendents" (from album I Don't Want To Grow Up)
* Die Ärzte's "Die Ärzte" (not released, just live)
* D.O.A.'s "D.O.A." (from album Hardcore '81)
* Doop's "Doop"
* Dr. Octagon's "Dr. Octagon"
* Dschinghis Khan's "Dschinghis Khan"
* Enkindel's "Enkindel" (from album "Some Assembly Required"; the band lather changed their name to The Enkindels)
* Exodus's "Exodus" (from the album "Bonded by Blood")
* Fishbone's "Fishbone (Is Red Hot)"
* Fleetwood Mac's "Fleetwood Mac" (from the album The Original Fleetwood Mac)
* Flying Machine's "Flying Machine"
* Fuck...I'm Dead's "Fuck...I'm Dead"
* Goon Squad's "Goon Squad"
* Gotcha!'s "Gotcha!"
* Gouryella's "Gouryella"
* Green Day's "Green Day" (the song title preceded the band name, and was written while the band was still known as Sweet Children)
o Also had a song called "Sweet Children" when they were known as Sweet Children
* G-Unit's "G-Unit" (from album Beg For Mercy)
* H-Bomb's "H-Bomb" (from mini-lp Coup de Metal)
* Hammerfall's "Hammerfall" (from album Glory to the Brave)
* Hard Skin's "Hard Skin" (from album Hard Nuts And Hard Cunts)
* Imperial Teen's "Imperial Teen" (from album Seasick)
* In Extremo's "In Extremo" (from album Verehrt und Angespien)
* In Flames' "In Flames" (from album Lunar Strain)
* JFA's "Jodie Foster's Army" (from album Blatant Localism)
* Jilted John's "Jilted John" (from album True Love Stories)
* LFO "LFO" (from album Frequencies
* The Living End's "The Living End" (from album Hellbound)
* Louis XIV's "Louis XIV" (from album The Best Little Secrets Are Kept)
* Love City Groove's "Love City Groove" (the United Kingdom entry in the 1995 Eurovision Song Contest)
* Mad Caddies's "Mad Caddies"
* Madness's "Madness" (a Prince Buster cover)
* Manowar's "Manowar"
* Masta Killa's "Masta Killa" (from album No Said Date)
* Miljoonasade's "Miljoonasade" (from album Pesuhuoneesta keittiöön)
* Miss Black America' "Miss Black America" (from the album God Bless Miss Black America)
* Mr. Big's "Mr. Big" (a Free cover)
* Mr Blobby's "Mr Blobby"
* Mull Historical Society's "Mull Historical Society" (from album Loss)
* Night Ranger's "Night Ranger" (from album Dawn Patrol)
* Nightwish's "Nightwish" (from their untitled first demo)
* Nichya's (?????) "Nichya"
* Paradise Lost's "Paradise Lost" (from the album Lost Paradise)
* Peach's "Peach" (from the album Giving Birth to a Stone)
* Pet Shop Boys' "Pet Shop Boys" (b-side to the 1984 release of "West End girls")
* Pink Grease's "Pink G.R.Ease"
* Polygon Window's "Polygon Window" (from the album (Surfing on Sine Waves))
* Railroad Earth's "Railroad Earth" (from the album Elko)
* Rammstein's "Rammstein" (from album Herzeleid)
* Reagan Youth's "Reagan Youth" (from album Volume 1)
* Renegade Soundwave's "Renegade Soundwave"
* Samhain's "Samhain" (from album Initium)
* Siddharta's "Siddharta" (from album ID)
* Sigur Rós's "Sigur Rós" (from album Von)
* Skyclad's "Skyclad" (from album The Wayward Sons of Mother Earth)
* Slipknot's "Slipknot" (from album Mate.Feed.Kill.Repeat)
* Smog's "Smog" from the album Sewn to the Sky
* Snoop Dogg's "Snoop Dogg"
* Snot's "Snot" (from album Get Some)
* Spacehog's "Spacehog" from the album Resident Alien
* Steelheart's "Steelheart" from the album Tangled in Reins
* Stratovarius' "Stratovarius" from the album Fourth Dimension
* Sworn Enemy's "Sworn Enemy" from the album As Real As It Gets
* Talk Talk's "Talk Talk" (from album The Party's Over)
o note: The song "Talk Talk" also appears on a five-song EP that's called Talk Talk, and the band itself was named after the song (written by the Hollis brothers).
* Talulah Gosh's "Talulah Gosh"
* They Might Be Giants' "They Might Be Giants" (from album Flood)
* Tricky Disco "Tricky Disco"
* Unun's "Unun" from the album Æ (album)
* Van Dyke Parks' "Van Dyke Parks" (from album Song Cycle)
* Voivod's "Voivod" (from album War and Pain)
* Warp 11's "Warp 11" (from album Red Alert)
* White Town's "White Town" (from album Women in Technology)
* X's "X" (from album Blue Blood)
* Zonata's "Zonata" (from album Tunes of Steel)

AND this list even left off Bad Company by Bad Company, Iron Maiden by Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath, and Kajagoogoo's Kajagoogoo (because if you have the word "Kajagoogoo" available to you, you need to use it all the time.)

Right, LIMAHL?

Kajagoogoo, John!

**

Algebra

"If you tell me x, I WILL FIGHT YOU WITH MY FISTS!"

What does x equal?

For me:
x = Jay Leno is better than David Letterman
x = anything in pirate vernacular
x = there hasn't been any good music made since (fill in any year or era)
x = you are guaranteed to lose any fight involving fists




**

Family on the radio

I'm doing a story for The Splendid Table about kids and cooking. We had Charlie and Kate prepare a family meal, sweet and sour chicken plus rice and for some reason dumplings, which they then refused to eat.

JOHN: But this was your idea!
CHARLIE: Ugh! Well, when I always see it in restaurants it doesn’t look like something from a squid’s body part.
JOHN: Well, you want a dumpling?
CHARLIE: Ooh yeah!
KATE: Can I try one?
JOHN: It’s white and bland.
KATE: Actually I don’t want it.
JOHN: Yes you do! Eat the dumplings or you’re out of the family.
CHARLIE: You’re kidding.
KATE: Are you kidding?
JOHN: I’m half kidding. And you know it might be terrible.
KATE: It is! I just not like it. Mom, you can have it.
JILL: No thanks.
JOHN: I’ll eat it.
KATE: Ooh, thanks
JOHN: Charlie, are you okay?
CHARLIE: I don’t want to try the dumplings.
JOHN: Did you try the dumplings?
CHARLIE: Yeah.
JOHN: The dumpling is pretty bad, actually.
JILL: They’re horrible. Give ‘em to the baby. I bet the baby will eat them.
MARGARET: Oooh!

**

A Conversation with Charlie (age 8) About Music and Entomology

HIM: Our yard is full of bugs of prey.
ME: That would be a good name for a band. Bugs of Prey.
HIM: Or Insects of Prey. Arachnids of Prey.
ME: Beetles of Prey. Or just The Beatles.
HIM: That's already a band.
ME: Right. So you can't use that name.
HIM: Well, maybe. They broke up a long time ago.
ME: So you think the name is available. You could just come along and claim it.
HIM: Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

**