Maybe it's because their popularity has waned...
But I think that even if the 80's new wave band Status Quo was still way popular, they wouldn't be invited to participate in the Vote For Change concert tour. Just too awkward.
Monday, October 11, 2004
Friday, October 08, 2004
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Ah, the joys of video editing...
Including a neat, if inherently out of context, summation of the GOP convention.
Including a neat, if inherently out of context, summation of the GOP convention.
This is Surprising
I know that the Bush folks are political masterminds but I can't figure out why they would publish a photo of Dick Cheney ripping the heart out of a still living Chinese girl. Oh well, Karl Rove is brilliant I guess so he must have his reasons.
I know that the Bush folks are political masterminds but I can't figure out why they would publish a photo of Dick Cheney ripping the heart out of a still living Chinese girl. Oh well, Karl Rove is brilliant I guess so he must have his reasons.
This is Surprising
I know that the Bush folks are political masterminds but I can't figure out why they would publish a photo of Dick Cheney ripping the heart out of a still living Chinese girl. Oh well, Karl Rove is brilliant I guess so he must have his reasons.
I know that the Bush folks are political masterminds but I can't figure out why they would publish a photo of Dick Cheney ripping the heart out of a still living Chinese girl. Oh well, Karl Rove is brilliant I guess so he must have his reasons.
Friday, October 01, 2004
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
If it was just him it would be okay...
But the dude was being followed by a Moonshadow! It really is a Wild World. You need a Peace Train. Before it gets to the point where Morning is somehow...Broken.
But the dude was being followed by a Moonshadow! It really is a Wild World. You need a Peace Train. Before it gets to the point where Morning is somehow...Broken.
Happy Richard Perle is Very Surprised Day
We'll keep celebrating every year until that damn square is built.
We'll keep celebrating every year until that damn square is built.
Friday, September 17, 2004
I talked with Krist Novoselic yesterday...
ME: Hey, thanks for all the music. I appreciate it.
KRIST: You're welcome. What's your name?
ME: John. I work here at the station.
KRIST: Oh.
ME: My son's favorite song is Sliver. He always asks me to play the CD.
KRIST: Hmm. That's an awfully bleak song. (pause) Are you sure he's okay?
ME: That's a good question. He's actually with his grandma right now. Maybe I'd better give them a call.
KRIST: Not a bad idea.
ME: Hey, thanks for all the music. I appreciate it.
KRIST: You're welcome. What's your name?
ME: John. I work here at the station.
KRIST: Oh.
ME: My son's favorite song is Sliver. He always asks me to play the CD.
KRIST: Hmm. That's an awfully bleak song. (pause) Are you sure he's okay?
ME: That's a good question. He's actually with his grandma right now. Maybe I'd better give them a call.
KRIST: Not a bad idea.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Monday, September 13, 2004
Ivan Blows Clear Demonstrable Legal Reasoning All Over The Place
"In a memo to Florida's 67 county supervisors of elections, Division of Elections director Dawn Roberts said the uncertainty of Hurricane Ivan, which could hit parts of the state by week's end, forced her to act."
"In a memo to Florida's 67 county supervisors of elections, Division of Elections director Dawn Roberts said the uncertainty of Hurricane Ivan, which could hit parts of the state by week's end, forced her to act."
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
I make this claim not from a political perspective but from the perspective of an occasional comedy writer:
You will throw up in your own mouth if you read the following transcript of the Bush daughters at the RNC.
JENNA BUSH: It's great to be here. We love Arnold. Isn't he awesome?
Thanks to him, if one of us ever decides to marry a Democrat, nobody can complain, except maybe our grandmother, Barbara. And if she doesn't like it, we would definitely hear about it.
We already know she doesn't like some of our clothes, our music, or most of the TV shows we watch.
Gammie, we love you dearly, but you're just not very hip.
She thinks "Sex and the City" is something married people do, but never talk about.
We spent the last four years trying to stay out of the spotlight. Sometimes, we did a little better job than others.
We kept trying to explain to my dad that when we are young and irresponsible, well, we're young and irresponsible.
BARBARA BUSH: Jenna and I are really not very political, but we love our dad too much to stand back and watch from the sidelines.
We realized that this would be his last campaign, and we wanted to be a part of it.
Besides, since we've graduated from college, we're looking around for something to do for the next few years.
Kind of like dad.
JENNA: Our parents have always encouraged us to be independent and dream big. We've spent a lot of time at the White House, so when we showed up the first day, we thought we had it all figured out. But apparently my dad already has a chief of staff, named Andy.
BARBARA: When your dad's a Republican and you go to Yale, you learn to stand up for yourself. I knew I wasn't quite ready to be president, but number two sounded pretty good.
Who is this man they call Dick Cheney?
JENNA: I think I know a lot about campaigns. After all, my grandfather and my dad have both run for president, so I put myself in charge of strategy. Then I got an angry call from some guy named Karl.
BARBARA: We knew we had something to offer. I mean, we've traveled the world; we've studied abroad. But when we started coming home with foreign policy advise, dad made us call Condi.
JENNA: Not to be deterred, we thought surely there's a place for strong willed, opinionated women in communications. And next thing we know, Karen's back.
BARBARA: So we decided the best thing we could do here tonight would be to introduce somebody we know and love.
JENNA: You know all those times when you're growing up and your parents embarrass you? Well, this is payback time on live TV.
BARBARA: Take this. I know it's hard to believe, but our parents' favorite term of endearment for each other is actually Bushy.
And we had a hamster, too. Let's just say ours didn't make it.
JENNA: But, contrary to what you might read in the papers, our parents are actually kind of cool. They do know the difference between mono and Bono. When we tell them we're going to see Outkast, they know it's a band and not a bunch of misfits. And if we really beg them, they'll even shake it like a Polaroid picture.
BARBARA: So, OK, maybe they have learned a little pop culture from us, but we've learned a lot more from them about what matters in life, about unconditional love, about focus and discipline.
They taught us the importance of a good sense of humor, of being open-minded and treating everyone with respect.
And we learned the true value of honesty and integrity.
JENNA: When you grow up as the daughters of George and Laura Bush, you develop a special appreciation for how blessed we are to live in this great country.
We are so proud to be here tonight to introduce someone who read us bedtime stories, picked up car pool, made us our favorite peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cheered for us when we scored a goal, even when it was for the wrong team.
BARBARA: Someone who told us we actually looked cute in braces, always welcomed our friends and was there waiting when we came home at curfew.
JENNA: Ladies and gentlemen, one of the two most loving, thoughtful people we know.
BARBARA: Your president and our dad, George W. Bush.
You will throw up in your own mouth if you read the following transcript of the Bush daughters at the RNC.
JENNA BUSH: It's great to be here. We love Arnold. Isn't he awesome?
Thanks to him, if one of us ever decides to marry a Democrat, nobody can complain, except maybe our grandmother, Barbara. And if she doesn't like it, we would definitely hear about it.
We already know she doesn't like some of our clothes, our music, or most of the TV shows we watch.
Gammie, we love you dearly, but you're just not very hip.
She thinks "Sex and the City" is something married people do, but never talk about.
We spent the last four years trying to stay out of the spotlight. Sometimes, we did a little better job than others.
We kept trying to explain to my dad that when we are young and irresponsible, well, we're young and irresponsible.
BARBARA BUSH: Jenna and I are really not very political, but we love our dad too much to stand back and watch from the sidelines.
We realized that this would be his last campaign, and we wanted to be a part of it.
Besides, since we've graduated from college, we're looking around for something to do for the next few years.
Kind of like dad.
JENNA: Our parents have always encouraged us to be independent and dream big. We've spent a lot of time at the White House, so when we showed up the first day, we thought we had it all figured out. But apparently my dad already has a chief of staff, named Andy.
BARBARA: When your dad's a Republican and you go to Yale, you learn to stand up for yourself. I knew I wasn't quite ready to be president, but number two sounded pretty good.
Who is this man they call Dick Cheney?
JENNA: I think I know a lot about campaigns. After all, my grandfather and my dad have both run for president, so I put myself in charge of strategy. Then I got an angry call from some guy named Karl.
BARBARA: We knew we had something to offer. I mean, we've traveled the world; we've studied abroad. But when we started coming home with foreign policy advise, dad made us call Condi.
JENNA: Not to be deterred, we thought surely there's a place for strong willed, opinionated women in communications. And next thing we know, Karen's back.
BARBARA: So we decided the best thing we could do here tonight would be to introduce somebody we know and love.
JENNA: You know all those times when you're growing up and your parents embarrass you? Well, this is payback time on live TV.
BARBARA: Take this. I know it's hard to believe, but our parents' favorite term of endearment for each other is actually Bushy.
And we had a hamster, too. Let's just say ours didn't make it.
JENNA: But, contrary to what you might read in the papers, our parents are actually kind of cool. They do know the difference between mono and Bono. When we tell them we're going to see Outkast, they know it's a band and not a bunch of misfits. And if we really beg them, they'll even shake it like a Polaroid picture.
BARBARA: So, OK, maybe they have learned a little pop culture from us, but we've learned a lot more from them about what matters in life, about unconditional love, about focus and discipline.
They taught us the importance of a good sense of humor, of being open-minded and treating everyone with respect.
And we learned the true value of honesty and integrity.
JENNA: When you grow up as the daughters of George and Laura Bush, you develop a special appreciation for how blessed we are to live in this great country.
We are so proud to be here tonight to introduce someone who read us bedtime stories, picked up car pool, made us our favorite peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cheered for us when we scored a goal, even when it was for the wrong team.
BARBARA: Someone who told us we actually looked cute in braces, always welcomed our friends and was there waiting when we came home at curfew.
JENNA: Ladies and gentlemen, one of the two most loving, thoughtful people we know.
BARBARA: Your president and our dad, George W. Bush.
Monday, August 30, 2004
Oh My.
Conservative Republican congressman abruptly announces that he won't run for re-election.
Why? Some people think they know why.
Oh, the congressman was also one of the sponsors of the Federal Marriage Amendment.
Conservative Republican congressman abruptly announces that he won't run for re-election.
Why? Some people think they know why.
Oh, the congressman was also one of the sponsors of the Federal Marriage Amendment.
Bumpy Castle
There are dangerous games, there are really dangerous games, and then there's Bumpy Castle, a game I play with my kids that was invented by my son Charlie.
Here's how it works:
1. Kate (22 months) and I climb onto a mattress set up in the playroom.
2. We put a big purple blanket over our heads.
3. Charlie (almost 4) yells "BUMPY CASTLE!" and then jumps on us.
4. I try to deflect Charlie before he crushes his sister while also avoiding fists to the nose and trying to land Charlie in a reasonably safe location.
Everyone but me loves Bumpy Castle. Loves. It.
It's a horrible, horrible game.
There are dangerous games, there are really dangerous games, and then there's Bumpy Castle, a game I play with my kids that was invented by my son Charlie.
Here's how it works:
1. Kate (22 months) and I climb onto a mattress set up in the playroom.
2. We put a big purple blanket over our heads.
3. Charlie (almost 4) yells "BUMPY CASTLE!" and then jumps on us.
4. I try to deflect Charlie before he crushes his sister while also avoiding fists to the nose and trying to land Charlie in a reasonably safe location.
Everyone but me loves Bumpy Castle. Loves. It.
It's a horrible, horrible game.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
Holy Mackerel
New Economist poll (8/16-8/18, 1799 sample size) has Kerry up 49-41 among registered voters, 51-42 among definite voters, and a 61 percent on dissatisfied. Full results here (pdf).
New Economist poll (8/16-8/18, 1799 sample size) has Kerry up 49-41 among registered voters, 51-42 among definite voters, and a 61 percent on dissatisfied. Full results here (pdf).
Doing a Lynndie
The estimable Xeni on boingboing points us toward the latest post-Abu Ghraib laff riot!
The estimable Xeni on boingboing points us toward the latest post-Abu Ghraib laff riot!
But Woody Hayes and Mary Lou Retton Used to Say the Same Thing...
So the Bush administration is using images of Iraqi olympic athletes in campaign commercials. Turns out that the Iraqi soccer team is somewhat less than enthused about this.
Key passages from this article that may be somewhat unlikely to make it into Bush press releases:
"My problems are not with the American people," says Iraqi soccer coach Adnan Hamad. "They are with what America has done in Iraq: destroy everything. The American army has killed so many people in Iraq. What is freedom when I go to the [national] stadium and there are shootings on the road?"
and
Ahmed Manajid, who played as a midfielder on Wednesday, had an even stronger response when asked about Bush's TV advertisement. "How will he meet his god having slaughtered so many men and women?" Manajid told me. "He has committed so many crimes."
So the Bush administration is using images of Iraqi olympic athletes in campaign commercials. Turns out that the Iraqi soccer team is somewhat less than enthused about this.
Key passages from this article that may be somewhat unlikely to make it into Bush press releases:
"My problems are not with the American people," says Iraqi soccer coach Adnan Hamad. "They are with what America has done in Iraq: destroy everything. The American army has killed so many people in Iraq. What is freedom when I go to the [national] stadium and there are shootings on the road?"
and
Ahmed Manajid, who played as a midfielder on Wednesday, had an even stronger response when asked about Bush's TV advertisement. "How will he meet his god having slaughtered so many men and women?" Manajid told me. "He has committed so many crimes."
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Recent Questions That Are Hard To Answer
1. We put out a bunch of old furniture on the parking strip overnight for the Salvation Army to pick up this morning. But when morning came, some of it was gone - taken in the night. Since we were giving it away anyway and had left it on the curb, should we feel as though we were robbed?
2. Charlie (age 3): What are angels?
Me: (fumbling) Well, ah, some people think that when people die they become angels and go up to heaven or hang around here and help people?
Charlie: Like Grandpa Moe up in heaven?
Me: Sure. Yeah. Like that. That's what some people think.
Charlie: How about hippos?
Me: What about hippos?
Charlie: When hippos die do they become hippo angels? Does Grandpa Moe play with the hippo angels in heaven? Does he Daddy? Does he?
3. Charlie: Did someone make the world?
Me: What? (stalling) You mean...ah...this world?
Charlie: The world! And all the things. Did someone make it?
Me: Well...what do you think?
Charlie: No. I don't think so.
1. We put out a bunch of old furniture on the parking strip overnight for the Salvation Army to pick up this morning. But when morning came, some of it was gone - taken in the night. Since we were giving it away anyway and had left it on the curb, should we feel as though we were robbed?
2. Charlie (age 3): What are angels?
Me: (fumbling) Well, ah, some people think that when people die they become angels and go up to heaven or hang around here and help people?
Charlie: Like Grandpa Moe up in heaven?
Me: Sure. Yeah. Like that. That's what some people think.
Charlie: How about hippos?
Me: What about hippos?
Charlie: When hippos die do they become hippo angels? Does Grandpa Moe play with the hippo angels in heaven? Does he Daddy? Does he?
3. Charlie: Did someone make the world?
Me: What? (stalling) You mean...ah...this world?
Charlie: The world! And all the things. Did someone make it?
Me: Well...what do you think?
Charlie: No. I don't think so.
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Monday, August 16, 2004
Not Sure...
If there is anyone in the city of Seattle who still calls themselves Republican but this ought to turn the remaining handful around.
If there is anyone in the city of Seattle who still calls themselves Republican but this ought to turn the remaining handful around.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Winnie-the-Pooh is My Co-worker
I have a new piece up on McSweeney's today. If you don't see it today, here's the direct link.
I have a new piece up on McSweeney's today. If you don't see it today, here's the direct link.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Wednesday, August 04, 2004
Stuff About Books & Things
1. The gang at McSweeney's has a new book:
Created In Darkness By Troubled Americans
Release date is August 10th. It's an anthology of McSweeney's humor and several things what I wrote are featured in it including:
Terrible Names for Hair Salons
As A Porn Movie Titler, I May Lack Promise
Canceled Regional Morning TV Shows
Cause And Effect Rules For Sidewalk Travel
and the meme-inducing Suggested Follow-up Songs For One-Hit Wonders
along with about a zillion other pieces that are screamingly funny. Can you read most of them for free on the Interweb? Sure. But a book is better. I got an advanced copy from a publicist who, not knowing who I was, asked me in so many words if I'd like to interview myself. It's really funny stuff. Thinky funny but also actually funny.
2. I review books for a Large Internet Bookseller. I was recently asked to review the 9/11 Commission Report. And you know what? That's a hard thing to do. It's not meant to entertain but it still needs to be accessible. None of the findings are shocking and they've all been written about in the press by now. And you really can't compare it to previous work by the author. So anyway, here's what I came up with.
1. The gang at McSweeney's has a new book:
Created In Darkness By Troubled Americans
Release date is August 10th. It's an anthology of McSweeney's humor and several things what I wrote are featured in it including:
Terrible Names for Hair Salons
As A Porn Movie Titler, I May Lack Promise
Canceled Regional Morning TV Shows
Cause And Effect Rules For Sidewalk Travel
and the meme-inducing Suggested Follow-up Songs For One-Hit Wonders
along with about a zillion other pieces that are screamingly funny. Can you read most of them for free on the Interweb? Sure. But a book is better. I got an advanced copy from a publicist who, not knowing who I was, asked me in so many words if I'd like to interview myself. It's really funny stuff. Thinky funny but also actually funny.
2. I review books for a Large Internet Bookseller. I was recently asked to review the 9/11 Commission Report. And you know what? That's a hard thing to do. It's not meant to entertain but it still needs to be accessible. None of the findings are shocking and they've all been written about in the press by now. And you really can't compare it to previous work by the author. So anyway, here's what I came up with.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
You try to be a good writer...
And then you realize that nothing you produce will ever be as good as Lyndon Johnson ordering a pair of pants. (via Political Wire)
And then you realize that nothing you produce will ever be as good as Lyndon Johnson ordering a pair of pants. (via Political Wire)
Monday, August 02, 2004
Politics Loads Up On Fast Food
The not-as-amusing-as-everyone-made-it-out-to-be Subservient Chicken has now spawned (hatched?) a not-all-that-amusing-either political knock-off.
The not-as-amusing-as-everyone-made-it-out-to-be Subservient Chicken has now spawned (hatched?) a not-all-that-amusing-either political knock-off.
Friday, July 30, 2004
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Reasons You Should Love Semisonic
1. Closing Time is a great song. C'mon, admit it, it is.
2. Drummer Jake Slichter's new book is completely awesome. Harvard grad, rock drummer, self-deprecator.
3. I interviewed Jake today on the radio and he was a super-duper nice fella.
4. He signed the radio station's guest book "Jake Slichter, drummer for Semisonic, we had that big hit song 'Closing Time'."
1. Closing Time is a great song. C'mon, admit it, it is.
2. Drummer Jake Slichter's new book is completely awesome. Harvard grad, rock drummer, self-deprecator.
3. I interviewed Jake today on the radio and he was a super-duper nice fella.
4. He signed the radio station's guest book "Jake Slichter, drummer for Semisonic, we had that big hit song 'Closing Time'."
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Okay, It's Not Really MY Book...
But it's a book I'm in. And it's busting into the top 4000 on Amazon (as of this writing).
Also, I'm reading some stuff at an event with Dave Eggers on September1st.
But it's a book I'm in. And it's busting into the top 4000 on Amazon (as of this writing).
Also, I'm reading some stuff at an event with Dave Eggers on September1st.
Attention College Students!
Ripping off undergraduate term papers and even taking them out of context is A-OK.
Ripping off undergraduate term papers and even taking them out of context is A-OK.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
I Hate The Interweb
Because now, for the rest of my life, no matter where I go, no matter how much I accomplish, I will ALWAYS be the dude who wrote this.
Because now, for the rest of my life, no matter where I go, no matter how much I accomplish, I will ALWAYS be the dude who wrote this.
Monday, July 12, 2004
The Hype and The Debate As To Whether Or Not To Believe It...
Regarding Roger Clemens, Seth Stevenson does not.
Regarding Roger Clemens, Seth Stevenson does not.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Farewell to Productivity
A few months ago, I was pointing people towards the addictive Fundrace.org. Now, there's Newsmeat's Hall of Fame to further distract you from doing anything worthwhile.
A few months ago, I was pointing people towards the addictive Fundrace.org. Now, there's Newsmeat's Hall of Fame to further distract you from doing anything worthwhile.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
At this writing...
This book is #31 on Amazon's best seller list. Due, no doubt, to the catchy title.
This book is #31 on Amazon's best seller list. Due, no doubt, to the catchy title.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Well okay.
It seems like a lot of Democrats are excited about this but I really don't see what John Edward brings to the ticket aside from getting cryptic advice from former presidents.
It seems like a lot of Democrats are excited about this but I really don't see what John Edward brings to the ticket aside from getting cryptic advice from former presidents.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
I've Enjoyed The Gig.
I've been reviewing books for Amazon.com for a few years now. It's given me a great chance to review some excellent books and also The Fabulist. But there's another free-lancer with lots of time on his hands who's coming on strong. How long before he leaves the customer review section and bumps me off the editorial review racket?
I've been reviewing books for Amazon.com for a few years now. It's given me a great chance to review some excellent books and also The Fabulist. But there's another free-lancer with lots of time on his hands who's coming on strong. How long before he leaves the customer review section and bumps me off the editorial review racket?
Friday, June 11, 2004
Thursday, June 10, 2004
James Taylor Will Soon Not Be Your Friend
Better start getting used to it. (I have a new piece on McSweeney's today).
Better start getting used to it. (I have a new piece on McSweeney's today).
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Conversation At Breakfast With Charlie (Age 3)
HIM: Dad! DAAAAD!
ME: What? What is it?
HIM: Who made the world?
ME: Oh. Wow. Uhhh...Well, some people say that God made the world. Some people think it was a big explosion a long time ago.
HIM: Was it the same person who painted our house?
ME: No I don't think so.
HIM: Was it the same person who made this plate?
ME: Well, maybe, yeah.
HIM: Dad! DAAAAD!
ME: What? What is it?
HIM: Who made the world?
ME: Oh. Wow. Uhhh...Well, some people say that God made the world. Some people think it was a big explosion a long time ago.
HIM: Was it the same person who painted our house?
ME: No I don't think so.
HIM: Was it the same person who made this plate?
ME: Well, maybe, yeah.
Monday, June 07, 2004
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Being Famous Is Fun!
So I hosted some radio show today. Two qualitative analyses of my performance came in. I'll summarize:
First listener: Good show
Second listener: Horrible voice, lousy voice, high voice, monotone voice, not funny, self absorbed, bad diction, dopey, not cute, moronic, sounds like he has phlegm in his mouth, just OFF, please don't let him on the air ever again.
So really, feedback was mixed.
So I hosted some radio show today. Two qualitative analyses of my performance came in. I'll summarize:
First listener: Good show
Second listener: Horrible voice, lousy voice, high voice, monotone voice, not funny, self absorbed, bad diction, dopey, not cute, moronic, sounds like he has phlegm in his mouth, just OFF, please don't let him on the air ever again.
So really, feedback was mixed.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Friday, May 28, 2004
New Iraqi Leader Chosen
I find this one to be pretty puzzling. Granted, she has her own unique style and everyone seems to really like her. And of course, the fact that she comes from humble beginnings will make her more empathetic to the average Iraqi citizen. But I'm still disappointed that Fantasia Barrino has been named the new prime minister. I hope they at least let her finish the summer tour. Obviously Jon Peter Lewis would have been a much better fit.
I find this one to be pretty puzzling. Granted, she has her own unique style and everyone seems to really like her. And of course, the fact that she comes from humble beginnings will make her more empathetic to the average Iraqi citizen. But I'm still disappointed that Fantasia Barrino has been named the new prime minister. I hope they at least let her finish the summer tour. Obviously Jon Peter Lewis would have been a much better fit.
Thursday, May 27, 2004
A Conversation With Charlie (Age 3) In The Car Last Night (Joined Midway Through)
HIM: So we need to get another Lion King video that isn't scary.
ME: Okay, well, we'll look for that.
HIM: But I don't want to watch Brother Bear cause that's scary too. That's a little bit scary, Dad.
ME: Yeah, let's not watch that.
HIM: But you can watch it.
ME: Okay, I'll put it on my list.
HIM: You and mom can watch it. After I go to bed.
ME: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.
(long pause of about 30 seconds)
HIM: Dad! Dad!
ME: What?! What is it?
HIM: Are we real?
HIM: So we need to get another Lion King video that isn't scary.
ME: Okay, well, we'll look for that.
HIM: But I don't want to watch Brother Bear cause that's scary too. That's a little bit scary, Dad.
ME: Yeah, let's not watch that.
HIM: But you can watch it.
ME: Okay, I'll put it on my list.
HIM: You and mom can watch it. After I go to bed.
ME: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.
(long pause of about 30 seconds)
HIM: Dad! Dad!
ME: What?! What is it?
HIM: Are we real?
Monday, May 24, 2004
Ah, Now THAT'S Some Swedish Drama
If you haven't already, please become aware of Strindberg & Helium
If you haven't already, please become aware of Strindberg & Helium
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Monday, May 17, 2004
I Don't Often Link to George W. Bush's Website...
But this is pretty funny. Here is his "Compassion Photo Album". And it's, like, mostly of Bush touching, assisting, and lurking around black people. The Health Care section is mostly him hanging out with health care workers and sick people, the Social Security section is him making speeches about the issue and hanging out with old people but Compassion is, evidently, mostly about black people.
The LA Times had some fun with this.
But this is pretty funny. Here is his "Compassion Photo Album". And it's, like, mostly of Bush touching, assisting, and lurking around black people. The Health Care section is mostly him hanging out with health care workers and sick people, the Social Security section is him making speeches about the issue and hanging out with old people but Compassion is, evidently, mostly about black people.
The LA Times had some fun with this.
Sunday, May 16, 2004
Friday, May 14, 2004
Erroneous Sussiptions
So my 3-year-old son Charlie is trying out the word "suspect" but he chooses the very alt pronunciation "sussept" as in "I sussept I want to watch a video". Here was our conversation in the car yesterday:
HIM: Dad, I sussept that butterflies have small wings and bees have big wings.
ME: Well, I think it's the other way around. Bees have very short little wings and butterflies have really big long wings.
HIM: No, I sussept bees have long wings.
ME: You know who has really long wings? Dragonflies.
HIM: I sussept dragons turn into dragonflies. Dragons turn into dragonflies, Dad.
ME: Oh. Does butter turn into butterflies?
HIM: No. That's silly.
So my 3-year-old son Charlie is trying out the word "suspect" but he chooses the very alt pronunciation "sussept" as in "I sussept I want to watch a video". Here was our conversation in the car yesterday:
HIM: Dad, I sussept that butterflies have small wings and bees have big wings.
ME: Well, I think it's the other way around. Bees have very short little wings and butterflies have really big long wings.
HIM: No, I sussept bees have long wings.
ME: You know who has really long wings? Dragonflies.
HIM: I sussept dragons turn into dragonflies. Dragons turn into dragonflies, Dad.
ME: Oh. Does butter turn into butterflies?
HIM: No. That's silly.
Friday, May 07, 2004
But Stupid People Might Not Make It Through The Article
Jacob Weisberg of Slate has come under some criticism over the years for his cottage industry of "Bushisms". And while it's certainly true that written transcripts of things expressed verbally can make most people appear stupid, this article in Slate takes the whole "Bush is stupid" issue quite a bit deeper. Good reading. You moron.
Jacob Weisberg of Slate has come under some criticism over the years for his cottage industry of "Bushisms". And while it's certainly true that written transcripts of things expressed verbally can make most people appear stupid, this article in Slate takes the whole "Bush is stupid" issue quite a bit deeper. Good reading. You moron.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Monday, May 03, 2004
The #1 Choice
Eli Manning was the first overall pick in this year's NFL draft. Almost won the Heisman trophy. But now he faces a tough choice: accept the fame and riches of football or pursue his passion for web design?
Eli Manning was the first overall pick in this year's NFL draft. Almost won the Heisman trophy. But now he faces a tough choice: accept the fame and riches of football or pursue his passion for web design?
Thursday, April 29, 2004
Monday, April 26, 2004
Friday, April 23, 2004
Thursday, April 22, 2004
A Tropical Paradise
Like most people, my ultimate dream in life is a leisurely cruise with Ed Gillespie and Dinesh D'Souza. Of course, if Kerry wins this would be a pretty interesting cruise to take.
Like most people, my ultimate dream in life is a leisurely cruise with Ed Gillespie and Dinesh D'Souza. Of course, if Kerry wins this would be a pretty interesting cruise to take.
Talk About Being On Message!
Via the estimable Wonkette:
The U.S. Treasury says:
"America has a choice: It can continue to grow the economy and create new jobs as the President's policies are doing; or it can raise taxes on American families and small businesses, hurting economic recovery and future job creation."
And the RNC also says:
"America has a choice: It can continue to grow the economy and create new jobs as the President's polices are doing; or it can raise taxes on American families and small businesses, hurting economic recovery and future job creation."
Great minds think alike, no? Or something. OK, OK, you could call this using taxpayer money to produce campaign literature. We prefer to think of it as thrifty. Of course, some people think of it as illegal. Whatever.
Via the estimable Wonkette:
The U.S. Treasury says:
"America has a choice: It can continue to grow the economy and create new jobs as the President's policies are doing; or it can raise taxes on American families and small businesses, hurting economic recovery and future job creation."
And the RNC also says:
"America has a choice: It can continue to grow the economy and create new jobs as the President's polices are doing; or it can raise taxes on American families and small businesses, hurting economic recovery and future job creation."
Great minds think alike, no? Or something. OK, OK, you could call this using taxpayer money to produce campaign literature. We prefer to think of it as thrifty. Of course, some people think of it as illegal. Whatever.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Why Do I Love FOX?
I mean the TV network, not the one with Hannity & Oates. Here's why:
Fox has announced it will debut six series in June. Four of the new series will be scripted, including "Quintuplets," with Andy Richter as the father of 15-year-old quints, and "Method & Red," an update of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" with rappers Method Man and Redman.
I mean the TV network, not the one with Hannity & Oates. Here's why:
Fox has announced it will debut six series in June. Four of the new series will be scripted, including "Quintuplets," with Andy Richter as the father of 15-year-old quints, and "Method & Red," an update of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" with rappers Method Man and Redman.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
The World Situation
Iraq is a mess, Israel/Palestine is worse, terrorism is only growing larger. But fortunately, there is a solution.
Iraq is a mess, Israel/Palestine is worse, terrorism is only growing larger. But fortunately, there is a solution.
Friday, April 16, 2004
Did I get Richard Clarke a movie deal?
Seriously.
Okay, of course I didn't, but this Hollywood Reporter article quotes my review of his book in announcing the movie rights.
Then things get weirder still. That quote has been picked up by conservative blogs. They take it, I think, as me implying that Clarke made everything up. I mean, it's fine. Use me to prove your point if you want. But please don't imply that I'm characterizing Clarke's book as fiction. Cause I'm not. I'm just saying it's an exciting book. Cause it is.
Seriously.
Okay, of course I didn't, but this Hollywood Reporter article quotes my review of his book in announcing the movie rights.
Then things get weirder still. That quote has been picked up by conservative blogs. They take it, I think, as me implying that Clarke made everything up. I mean, it's fine. Use me to prove your point if you want. But please don't imply that I'm characterizing Clarke's book as fiction. Cause I'm not. I'm just saying it's an exciting book. Cause it is.
And the winner...
For best use of a jpg in political satire goes to Matthew Baldwin at The Morning News.
For best use of a jpg in political satire goes to Matthew Baldwin at The Morning News.
Thursday, April 15, 2004
A Bunch of Hamsters Make Beautiful Music
No, it's not the Hamster Dance. It's this crazy MIDI thing at Cornell University. Never let that dude from Creed tell you that making music is hard. Hamsters can do it. And do it well.
No, it's not the Hamster Dance. It's this crazy MIDI thing at Cornell University. Never let that dude from Creed tell you that making music is hard. Hamsters can do it. And do it well.
Freaky Album Covers
They're the meat and potatoes of blogs like this. So eat up! (thanks to Jeannie Yandel who has a blog somewhere)
They're the meat and potatoes of blogs like this. So eat up! (thanks to Jeannie Yandel who has a blog somewhere)
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Veep-o-matic
Apparently, I think Wesley Clark should be the VP nominee. Except for the fact that I don't really think so. But that's what the Veep-o-matic says I think I feel. What do you think?
Apparently, I think Wesley Clark should be the VP nominee. Except for the fact that I don't really think so. But that's what the Veep-o-matic says I think I feel. What do you think?
Friday, April 09, 2004
I Have a New Best Friend
And it's the public radio series Pop Vultures. You can listen to it on your computer too!
And it's the public radio series Pop Vultures. You can listen to it on your computer too!
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
And no more Barenaked Ladies records either!
Guess what part of the pool is easiest to drown in? Yep! The deep end! Yet, that's the same end that the DOJ has decided to go off.
Guess what part of the pool is easiest to drown in? Yep! The deep end! Yet, that's the same end that the DOJ has decided to go off.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Update on White House Lies
Apparently, CNN was just being lazy. Or so the White House would have us believe.
Apparently, CNN was just being lazy. Or so the White House would have us believe.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Remember This:
The Republican political machine is flawless. They anticipate every possible problem and are ready to preempt any opposition. They operate in a tight circle and information never gets out of that tiny perimeter.
Also, they left their notes in a Starbucks.
The Republican political machine is flawless. They anticipate every possible problem and are ready to preempt any opposition. They operate in a tight circle and information never gets out of that tiny perimeter.
Also, they left their notes in a Starbucks.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Got a review of that book
You know, the one people find interesting. It's a really good book, actually.
Of course, I've reviewed interesting things before.
You know, the one people find interesting. It's a really good book, actually.
Of course, I've reviewed interesting things before.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Yep, that's hi-larious.
Bush spoke at the correspondent's dinner and made a little film. Sounds like a laff riot. The Democrats sure thought so.
Bush spoke at the correspondent's dinner and made a little film. Sounds like a laff riot. The Democrats sure thought so.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Friday, March 19, 2004
More Rejected NPR Commentaries
Springtime is here and for me that means one thing: fantasy baseball! Time to draft my fantasy team and gear up for the fantasy season. And once again, I was able to get every player I wanted! The other people in my league picked guys like Alfonso Soriano, Andy Pettite, Eric Gagne. Nice players but we're talking fantasy baseball. Is Eric Gagne really a part of anyone's fantasy?
This may be the best fantasy team I've ever fielded. Here's the lineup:
Fantasy pitcher - the pitcher from the poem Casey at the Bat. Think about it: he throws three consecutive strikes to the greatest hitter in the game! Doesn't try to fool him with junk outside the strike zone. Goes after Casey, gets the strikeout. Such moxie! That guy, whatever his name is, he's on my fantasy team.
Fantasy catcher - Crash Davis. The Kevin Costner character from Bull Durham. Great with younger players, witty, articulate, good clubhouse guy. And it's Costner in his prime before he started looking like he ate bad fish all the time. In fact, Crash Davis is the only movie character on my fantasy team. Roy Hobbs from "The Natural"? Just seems like such a downer. Field of Dreams ghost players? Too spooky. Comical cast of bumblers from "Major League"? I suspect their antics would grow tiresome.
Fantasy first baseman - Gandalf
Fantasy second baseman - Jaclyn Smith. Okay, sentimental pick. But when you have a fantasy player that you've been with a long time, you stick with them. Builds morale.
Fantasy third baseman - A healthy Aaron Boone. If Boone hadn't blown out his knee this offseason, the Yankees would never have traded for Alex Rodriguez thus revealing the universe to be a cruel chaotic place where treachery alone reigns. But on my fantasy team, Aaron Boone never hurt his knee and all is well. I love fantasy baseball!
Fantasy shortstop - A magical unicorn.
Fantasy left fielder - Ted Williams. Circa 1941. He hit .406 that year, dominated the American League. And he was all in one piece and respected. My fantasy is for that to still be the case. I don't know how well Ted will get along with the unicorn but a little tension might be good in the clubhouse.
Fantasy center fielder - John Fogerty. I've been listening to him beg to be put in center field for years. I'm going to give him that chance. It's his fantasy AND mine. I figure he'll hustle if nothing else. And entertain the team on fantasy road trips.
Fantasy right fielder- a bucket of steroids! They're not much for fielding but I'm told they've led to tons of home runs the last few years. As the fantasy general manager, I'm willing to accept the inherent risks.
So that's my fantasy team: unnamed Casey at the bat pitcher guy, Crash Davis, Gandalf, Jaclyn Smith, magical unicorn, Ted Williams, John Fogerty, and a bucket of steroids. And I'll see you at the fantasy ballpark!
Springtime is here and for me that means one thing: fantasy baseball! Time to draft my fantasy team and gear up for the fantasy season. And once again, I was able to get every player I wanted! The other people in my league picked guys like Alfonso Soriano, Andy Pettite, Eric Gagne. Nice players but we're talking fantasy baseball. Is Eric Gagne really a part of anyone's fantasy?
This may be the best fantasy team I've ever fielded. Here's the lineup:
Fantasy pitcher - the pitcher from the poem Casey at the Bat. Think about it: he throws three consecutive strikes to the greatest hitter in the game! Doesn't try to fool him with junk outside the strike zone. Goes after Casey, gets the strikeout. Such moxie! That guy, whatever his name is, he's on my fantasy team.
Fantasy catcher - Crash Davis. The Kevin Costner character from Bull Durham. Great with younger players, witty, articulate, good clubhouse guy. And it's Costner in his prime before he started looking like he ate bad fish all the time. In fact, Crash Davis is the only movie character on my fantasy team. Roy Hobbs from "The Natural"? Just seems like such a downer. Field of Dreams ghost players? Too spooky. Comical cast of bumblers from "Major League"? I suspect their antics would grow tiresome.
Fantasy first baseman - Gandalf
Fantasy second baseman - Jaclyn Smith. Okay, sentimental pick. But when you have a fantasy player that you've been with a long time, you stick with them. Builds morale.
Fantasy third baseman - A healthy Aaron Boone. If Boone hadn't blown out his knee this offseason, the Yankees would never have traded for Alex Rodriguez thus revealing the universe to be a cruel chaotic place where treachery alone reigns. But on my fantasy team, Aaron Boone never hurt his knee and all is well. I love fantasy baseball!
Fantasy shortstop - A magical unicorn.
Fantasy left fielder - Ted Williams. Circa 1941. He hit .406 that year, dominated the American League. And he was all in one piece and respected. My fantasy is for that to still be the case. I don't know how well Ted will get along with the unicorn but a little tension might be good in the clubhouse.
Fantasy center fielder - John Fogerty. I've been listening to him beg to be put in center field for years. I'm going to give him that chance. It's his fantasy AND mine. I figure he'll hustle if nothing else. And entertain the team on fantasy road trips.
Fantasy right fielder- a bucket of steroids! They're not much for fielding but I'm told they've led to tons of home runs the last few years. As the fantasy general manager, I'm willing to accept the inherent risks.
So that's my fantasy team: unnamed Casey at the bat pitcher guy, Crash Davis, Gandalf, Jaclyn Smith, magical unicorn, Ted Williams, John Fogerty, and a bucket of steroids. And I'll see you at the fantasy ballpark!
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Oh My
Well, I'll just be here all day long. Find out who in your neighborhood gave how much to what candidate! Search by celebrity last names! Preliminary findings: Josh Malina (West Wing) is a Gephardt man, Jennifer Garner is Edwards AND Gephardt, Michael Eisner favors Kerry, Paul Reiser likes Dean, Jerry Seinfeld digs Kerry AND Clark. Retired North Carolina basketball coach Dean Smith, not surprisingly, goes with Edwards.
Well, I'll just be here all day long. Find out who in your neighborhood gave how much to what candidate! Search by celebrity last names! Preliminary findings: Josh Malina (West Wing) is a Gephardt man, Jennifer Garner is Edwards AND Gephardt, Michael Eisner favors Kerry, Paul Reiser likes Dean, Jerry Seinfeld digs Kerry AND Clark. Retired North Carolina basketball coach Dean Smith, not surprisingly, goes with Edwards.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Everything is Circular.
Tonight on some radio show I do, I talked to Anita Rowland and Markos Moulitsas Zuniga. They're nice. Also talked to Jim Copacino, who is not a blogger and who is also nice. Last night on some radio station, an interview I did with Eric Stoltz was also on the air. He was nice too.
Tonight on some radio show I do, I talked to Anita Rowland and Markos Moulitsas Zuniga. They're nice. Also talked to Jim Copacino, who is not a blogger and who is also nice. Last night on some radio station, an interview I did with Eric Stoltz was also on the air. He was nice too.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Conversation with 3-year-old son at the zoo yesterday
HIM: Daddy, what comes after birds?
ME: Birds?
HIM: Yeah. What comes after them?
ME: Where...uh...what birds do you mean?
HIM: Birds! Birds in the sky! Birds!
ME: Oh. Right. Birds.
HIM: What comes after them?
ME: Oh. (pause) I don't know.
HIM: Do you want to be a family of wallabies?
ME: Yeah, okay.
HIM: Daddy, what comes after birds?
ME: Birds?
HIM: Yeah. What comes after them?
ME: Where...uh...what birds do you mean?
HIM: Birds! Birds in the sky! Birds!
ME: Oh. Right. Birds.
HIM: What comes after them?
ME: Oh. (pause) I don't know.
HIM: Do you want to be a family of wallabies?
ME: Yeah, okay.
I'm Watching Prince on the Ellen Show...
And you know what? He looks like a young female account executive. Bobbed haircut with sassy bangs, sleeveless black turtleneck, multiple ear piercings. Could be named Kristi. Could work in promotions at a radio station. Could meet up with the girls from Theta out at TGI Friday's for a long-standing Mai-Tai night, could date a guy named Brad who's a hot shot in sales. Maybe she's in marketing. Or maybe she's a leasing agent. But it's not Kristi. It's Prince.
And you know what? He looks like a young female account executive. Bobbed haircut with sassy bangs, sleeveless black turtleneck, multiple ear piercings. Could be named Kristi. Could work in promotions at a radio station. Could meet up with the girls from Theta out at TGI Friday's for a long-standing Mai-Tai night, could date a guy named Brad who's a hot shot in sales. Maybe she's in marketing. Or maybe she's a leasing agent. But it's not Kristi. It's Prince.
Monday, March 01, 2004
I Mostly Just Speak English
But I will say this: Viva Dio! He speaks for America in a high pitched screech and that's why he should be president.
But I will say this: Viva Dio! He speaks for America in a high pitched screech and that's why he should be president.
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