Oh My.

Conservative Republican congressman abruptly announces that he won't run for re-election.
Why? Some people think they know why.
Oh, the congressman was also one of the sponsors of the Federal Marriage Amendment.

Bumpy Castle

There are dangerous games, there are really dangerous games, and then there's Bumpy Castle, a game I play with my kids that was invented by my son Charlie.

Here's how it works:
1. Kate (22 months) and I climb onto a mattress set up in the playroom.
2. We put a big purple blanket over our heads.
3. Charlie (almost 4) yells "BUMPY CASTLE!" and then jumps on us.
4. I try to deflect Charlie before he crushes his sister while also avoiding fists to the nose and trying to land Charlie in a reasonably safe location.

Everyone but me loves Bumpy Castle. Loves. It.

It's a horrible, horrible game.

Holy Mackerel

New Economist poll (8/16-8/18, 1799 sample size) has Kerry up 49-41 among registered voters, 51-42 among definite voters, and a 61 percent on dissatisfied. Full results here (pdf).

Doing a Lynndie

The estimable Xeni on boingboing points us toward the latest post-Abu Ghraib laff riot!

But Woody Hayes and Mary Lou Retton Used to Say the Same Thing...

So the Bush administration is using images of Iraqi olympic athletes in campaign commercials. Turns out that the Iraqi soccer team is somewhat less than enthused about this.

Key passages from this article that may be somewhat unlikely to make it into Bush press releases:
"My problems are not with the American people," says Iraqi soccer coach Adnan Hamad. "They are with what America has done in Iraq: destroy everything. The American army has killed so many people in Iraq. What is freedom when I go to the [national] stadium and there are shootings on the road?"

and

Ahmed Manajid, who played as a midfielder on Wednesday, had an even stronger response when asked about Bush's TV advertisement. "How will he meet his god having slaughtered so many men and women?" Manajid told me. "He has committed so many crimes."

Department of Understated Headlines

Recent Questions That Are Hard To Answer

1. We put out a bunch of old furniture on the parking strip overnight for the Salvation Army to pick up this morning. But when morning came, some of it was gone - taken in the night. Since we were giving it away anyway and had left it on the curb, should we feel as though we were robbed?

2. Charlie (age 3): What are angels?
Me: (fumbling) Well, ah, some people think that when people die they become angels and go up to heaven or hang around here and help people?
Charlie: Like Grandpa Moe up in heaven?
Me: Sure. Yeah. Like that. That's what some people think.
Charlie: How about hippos?
Me: What about hippos?
Charlie: When hippos die do they become hippo angels? Does Grandpa Moe play with the hippo angels in heaven? Does he Daddy? Does he?

3. Charlie: Did someone make the world?
Me: What? (stalling) You mean...ah...this world?
Charlie: The world! And all the things. Did someone make it?
Me: Well...what do you think?
Charlie: No. I don't think so.

Warning!

Strong, and very very amusing language in this short film.

Not Sure...
If there is anyone in the city of Seattle who still calls themselves Republican but this ought to turn the remaining handful around.

Winnie-the-Pooh is My Co-worker

I have a new piece up on McSweeney's today. If you don't see it today, here's the direct link.

Yikes!

Stuff About Books & Things

1. The gang at McSweeney's has a new book:
Created In Darkness By Troubled Americans
Release date is August 10th. It's an anthology of McSweeney's humor and several things what I wrote are featured in it including:

Terrible Names for Hair Salons
As A Porn Movie Titler, I May Lack Promise
Canceled Regional Morning TV Shows
Cause And Effect Rules For Sidewalk Travel
and the meme-inducing Suggested Follow-up Songs For One-Hit Wonders

along with about a zillion other pieces that are screamingly funny. Can you read most of them for free on the Interweb? Sure. But a book is better. I got an advanced copy from a publicist who, not knowing who I was, asked me in so many words if I'd like to interview myself. It's really funny stuff. Thinky funny but also actually funny.

2. I review books for a Large Internet Bookseller. I was recently asked to review the 9/11 Commission Report. And you know what? That's a hard thing to do. It's not meant to entertain but it still needs to be accessible. None of the findings are shocking and they've all been written about in the press by now. And you really can't compare it to previous work by the author. So anyway, here's what I came up with.

It's One Thing To Stumble In A Live Speech

But this probably shouldn't have got past the copy editors on Bush's website:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," Bush said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

You try to be a good writer...

And then you realize that nothing you produce will ever be as good as Lyndon Johnson ordering a pair of pants. (via Political Wire)

Something Wild Was Good...
Working Girl was excellent. But sometimes the lady outdoes herself.

Politics Loads Up On Fast Food

The not-as-amusing-as-everyone-made-it-out-to-be Subservient Chicken has now spawned (hatched?) a not-all-that-amusing-either political knock-off.