The Challenge

Sure, there's going to be lots of jokes about Michael Jackson. More than ever before. Very few of them will be funny, even fewer will be original.
I'd like to step forward and encourage people to try harder than they otherwise would and make jokes that reference more obscures songs from either the Michael Jackson catalog. Can the "Beat It" reference, go instead for "Prison? I bet he's never Ben there before." Leave off anything about the kid not being his son. Instead, explore "I think these accusations are completely Off the Wall."
Yes, the lines I favor are more work. And perhaps not even as funny. But they're better for your brain and better for the world.
I'm going to keep thinking of more and I encourage you to do the same. Feel free to send me your ideas.

Here's some more:
I always figured that, as promised, he'd stop once he had got enough.
Apparently the Man in the Mirror wasn't willing to make that change.
If he is truly guilty but ultimately exonerated, wow, that would be one Smooth Criminal.

If You Haven't Read It Yet...

What's wrong with you? Read The Onion's interview with RZA.

***Please us this as evidence in any future patricide/cannibalism trial involving my son***
(a conversation taking place last night with son Charlie, who just turned 3)
HIM: Daddy, can I eat you?
ME: No. You can't.
HIM: Are you a ghost, Daddy?
ME: No, I'm not.
HIM: When you are a ghost, I will eat you up, Daddy.
ME: You...what?!
HIM: I will eat you when you are a ghost. I will eat you!

It's an old story but there's plenty of time left to do in-depth analysis

The Yeti has plenty of good riffs on the NPR gift. The only thing I would add is this:
"Welcome back to Talk of the Nation. I'm Grimace."

Do you have a list of celebrities who are very talented and also nice people?

If so, go ahead and add Robyn Hitchcock to that list. You can hear my interview with him on Thursday at 2:35 pm on 94.9 KUOW Seattle if you're in the Seattle area. If not, you can listen online at KUOW.org.

A Conversation With Charlie, Age 3

(while looking at a book about elephants)

HIM: Look, Dad. That's a red elephant.
ME: Well, actually. That's a drawing of an elephant's muscles.
HIM: What are muscles?
ME: They're things in your body that make you move around. Like when you stand up, you're using muscles.
HIM: Can I stand up?
ME: Of course. Go ahead.
HIM: (standing) Muscles! What's that elephant?
ME: That one shows an elephant's bones. Everybody has bones that hold them up.
HIM: Does an elephant have bones?
ME: Well, yeah. As is demonstrated in that drawing.
HIM: Does a dog have bones?
ME: Yes.
HIM: No. A dog eats bones.
ME: Hmmm. You're right. But it's different bones. A dog doesn't eat its own bones.
HIM: Will a dog eat my bones?
ME: I don't expect it will.
HIM: I have bones and muscles inside me.
ME: That's right.
HIM: And pipes, of course.
(pause)
ME: Wanna go play with cars?

Sometimes the problem is this....

Exactly which one to put on the computer as wallpaper.

Some People Can Just Enjoy New Food In Silence.

Others must write about it. I'm one of the others.

It's pretty impressive when you think about it

Sure, many of the Transformers can turn into a helicopter or a truck or whatever. But only one can turn into a planet. I got excited writing about it. I mean, Charlie Williams got excited.