Friday, December 14, 2007

Dear Seattle,

I'm writing you this letter to let you know that I'm leaving you. I've met someone else. Someone named Paul. St Paul. I'm going to be moving in with Paul this coming Spring. You've probably heard me say a lot about Paul on this blog. Maybe you've even had some inclination of my infatuation. Well, we're making it a permanent thing, Paul and I.

Look, we've had a great relationship, Seattle. I've kind of grown up with you, really. I was just a teenager hanging out with Federal Way when our eyes met. I used to take the bus just to meet with you for a few hours and feel cool. Later, after I was done with college and over my flings with New Jersey and Montana, we re-connected and I moved in. And we've had a great run. We went to the theater, we hung out at the radio station, you became friends with my wife and kids. I could have stayed with you forever. I probably almost did.

But then I met St Paul and I think Paul might treat me better. Paul wants to give me a bigger house and doesn't want all that much money for it. In fact, Paul doesn't want to charge me much for anything. Paul has these great schools for the kids. Paul can give me career opportunities that you, Seattle, quite frankly, have a much harder time giving me. But the biggest reason I'm moving in with Paul is for the adventure of it all. Granted, Paul's from Minnesota, a place not normally associated with the Born To Be Wild ethos, but when the offer came, I just didn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened if I had taken it. I do love you, Seattle, I really do, but I needed a change. You only get one life and having been to REI I wanted to go the Mall of America, too.

I know you're not the type to come running after me asking me to stay, Seattle (that aloofness is actually part of the problem - sorry!) but I'm sure you'll point out that Paul has a bit of a heating problem and do I really want to live in an environment like that. Well, I spent a few days with Paul last week when the temperature was, like, 5 degrees and yeah, I still want to be with Paul and so does my family. Paul can make me hotdish on a cold night. Also, to my surprise, Paul makes some reeeeeally good coffee and beer so that's actually all covered.

And hey, Seattle, we can still hang out. I'm probably not moving out until March. We have to sell the house for one thing, which is a lot of work getting ready. Then there's the packing and all. Also, we have loads of family and friends that live with you and we'll come back to see them. Airfare is actually super cheap between here and there. And look, if after a couple of years we don't get along with Paul anymore, we could always come back. I know you'd have us even if you wouldn't exactly throw a parade (not your style, I respect that).

Okay, Seattle. I gotta go. But listen, I'll be writing a LOT more about this in months to come. And if you know anyone who wants to buy our house, maybe some software executive from the east coast who just fell in love with you, let me know.

Take care,
John

UPDATE: Well, no one said there wouldn't be tears.

7 comments:

Kimm said...

Sigh... bummer - for us, I mean.

I'm sure you'll like it there. I did, growing up. Well, winters anyway. And fall too; I liked autumn in Minnesota. Summer was okay if you could be in the water. And stay away from the deerflies. And horseflies. Hey, maybe you can come visit here in the summer - it's especially nice here then!

And maybe I'll run across you sometime (or we could maybe even plan to meet up for coffee) when I'm there visiting other friends or checking out the Twins. If you ever have an interest in a coach's perspective on anything again, you'll know where to find me.

Anyway, best of luck to you in your new environs when you get there. You do realize, don't you, that you'll be arriving just in time for Mud Season? Keep the rubber boots on the top of the heap during the move!

Kimm

Christopher said...

We will miss you of course, but that's the wonderful thing about living in this Super-Cool, Internetted Future - nobody is ever more than a few keystrokes away.

Best of luck with Paul, I've only met him once or twice, but I hear he's a pretty decent guy, although you might find he's got a bit of the Norwegean aloofness going for him as well - maybe not as much as Seattle, but still.

Tina Rowley said...

Seattle asked me to write this:

Take care?! TAKE CARE?!?! AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH I GET A "TAKE CARE" SIGNOFF?!

I mean -

It's casual.

(Did you ever hear the story about some Walla Walla dude named J.D. who, when Carol Waddle asked him how he was, nearly replied "Good" but then caught himself and switched it up to "It's casual." Now you have.)

Scott Chicken said...

After Seattle got off the phone with Tina it e-mailed me to ask if it could be the new lead singer of the band. I told it to send a demo tape. God, I hope it doesn't send lame-ass cover of Even Flow or something...

David Swidler said...

Sad news for Seattle indeed.

I guess some people will do anything to get Al Franken elected.

Good luck.

Suzanne Broughton said...

So that is why Seattle started calling me again.

scouter573 said...

Sheesh, I'm about to read the last chapter of Conservatize Me! and this little noodlet gets dropped in my lap. I feel confused, at loose ends, a little bit yes and a little bit no. How does it all end?

Best of luck to you and the Moe family as you learn the ways of hot-dish, jello salad, and ice-fishing.

-andy