CRITICAL RECEPTION TO LATER BOOKS BY THE IRAQ STUDY GROUP
The Way Forward Is Over Here. Seriously. (2007)
One can't blame the ISG for trying to recapture the magic- and sales – of their debut work so it's not surprising that this volume covers territory familiar to readers. Truth be told, it's the exact same book but with a flashing LED read-out cover, several small horns attached to it that sound whenever movement is detected in the room, numerous pre-attached post-it notes indicating the most urgent passages, and a free video game where you get to be a baseball playing robot. It is hoped that the president will notice this new edition and read it.
Sitcoms: The Way Forward – A New Approach (2008)
After seeing strong sales but disappointing real world results from their previous works, the Iraq Study Group takes on the perilous state of the American situation comedy. Beset with the ongoing and worsening threats of reality shows, medical dramas, and a deadly new strain of reality medical drama, the state of the sitcom is bad and worsening. The group's ideas are sometimes distressingly meek (hold summit conferences with networks, invite Michael Bay to the bargaining table) and sometimes baldly self-serving (cast Lawrence Eagleburger as a wacky neighbor on "Coach: The Next Generation", create sitcom called "What About Vernon Jordan?"). Taxpayers are right to wonder if their tax dollars have been well spent.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays: The Way Forward – A New Approach (2010)
While it's very possible that Sandra Day O'Connor's grandson is a fine baseball player, the Iraq Study Group seems to be losing focus this time out. Ed Meese's knowledge of minor league economics is strong as is Leon Panetta's lengthy chapter on proper bunting technique and both offer hope to fans of the beleaguered franchise. But the overall tone of the report is bleak. The no longer publicly funded group suggests stemming the flow of bats, balls, and other equipment into the Tampa-St. Petersburg area while simultaneously launching a series of phased trades to disperse players. The group also seems to fail to take into account the possibility of Tampa native and strongman Jose Canseco regaining power. The photo section of Eagleburger shagging fly balls feels tacked on and is in fact difficult to look at.
Are You There God? It's Me, Lawrence Eagleburger (2011)
The rest of the group still includes their names but there's only one member truly behind this atrocious coming-of-age story. The fact that the "woman's special time" section was not removed in editing is proof that there is no God.
The Iraq Study Group Report on the Iraq Study Group: A New Way Forward (2012)
After widely reported acrimony between members of the once close-kit group and ill-advised offshoot projects (Charles Robb's emo-core concept album, Allan Simpson's backyard wrestling league), the ISG has found itself at a crossroads. Should they disband or try to keep the team together? Sadly, they chose the latter. Meeting in a trailer specially airlifted to the featureless great plain where Iraq once stood, the members crafted a series of recommendations for how the group can continue making recommendations. But their string of critical and commercial failures, the advancing age and declining health of the members, and their lack of government funding leading to abject poverty, make for a tough ride on the road to new ideas. The matching jumpsuits sound like fun and everyone loves trust walks but where will the money come from for the underwater fortress and the rocket bikes? Sadly, these ravings are proof enough to anyone still doubting that the ISG's time has passed.
Iraq Study Group Babies: Journey to Lollipop Island (2017)
Everyone's favorite group of adorable pint-sized future-ex-government insiders are on a magical journey to help a lost candy bird find her way back home. Based on the #1 animated series in the world, this is sure to delight toddlers, preschoolers, and select members of the Project for a New American Century and the Brookings Institution. Will Sandy, Jimmy, Lee H. Hamilton and the rest of the gang get the bird home before deadly sectarian violence rips Lollipop Island apart? Read and find out!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
A Conversation with Charlie (Age 6) About Politics
HIM: Why is 4th of July a big deal?
ME: That's when people signed the Declaration of Independence. It was this thing they wrote that said America was its own country, separate from England.
HIM: And that's when George Washington became President?
ME: Shortly after that, yeah. But they wanted to make him king and he said no, I'll be president because we shouldn't have kings. That way when people want a new president, they can elect one every four years.
HIM: Bush shouldn't have been elected again. Or even the first time. He starts wars!
ME: Well a lot of people agree with you, Charlie.
HIM: Why does he do that?
ME: I think he's very confident in the decisions he makes and often doesn't listen to people who try to tell him he's wrong.
HIM: Yeah. His brain is all zig-zag and wobbly. Barack Obama will be better when he's president.
ME: You mean if he's president.
HIM: Oh come on, Dad. He's going to be president. People are sick of all the light-skinned men, they want a girl or a dark skinned man.
HIM: Why is 4th of July a big deal?
ME: That's when people signed the Declaration of Independence. It was this thing they wrote that said America was its own country, separate from England.
HIM: And that's when George Washington became President?
ME: Shortly after that, yeah. But they wanted to make him king and he said no, I'll be president because we shouldn't have kings. That way when people want a new president, they can elect one every four years.
HIM: Bush shouldn't have been elected again. Or even the first time. He starts wars!
ME: Well a lot of people agree with you, Charlie.
HIM: Why does he do that?
ME: I think he's very confident in the decisions he makes and often doesn't listen to people who try to tell him he's wrong.
HIM: Yeah. His brain is all zig-zag and wobbly. Barack Obama will be better when he's president.
ME: You mean if he's president.
HIM: Oh come on, Dad. He's going to be president. People are sick of all the light-skinned men, they want a girl or a dark skinned man.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The Other Night at Elliott Bay
The book tour for Conservatize Me pretty much wrapped up on 12/12 at the Elliott Bay Book Company in downtown Seattle (well, Pioneer Square, which is quasi-downtown). It was a wonderful way to wrap things up, at least mostly, at least until the paperback, with a couple of small exceptions.
Matthew Baldwin led off the evening reading things from the estimable Defective Yeti blog he maintains. It's unorthodox for readings to have an opening act but I asked him to read for two reasons: 1) he's oh so funny and should receive a much bigger audience and b of all, it made the event feel more festive, like a celebration of words and jokes and things like that.
I read mostly the same passages I usually do but the crowd, quite enormous (I mean in numbers, they weren't obese), was vocal and happy and energizing. Best of all, for me anyway, was the appearance of my family. Jill and the kids sat in the back row and except for occasional bouts of wiggliness, listened. When I opened the floor to questions, Charlie had the first one. It was funny because readers of my work know that he's kind of my muse and a hush went over the room when he spoke. Afterwards, with no real provocation to do so, he walked to the front of the room and took a bow. Later, he signed some books. I would do my studied, rehearsed author signature with a black Sharpie (fine point) and he would follow with a huge CHARLIE in purple marker. I felt like I was doing a joint appearance with a Star Wars obsessed 6-year-old J.D. Salinger.
The book tour for Conservatize Me pretty much wrapped up on 12/12 at the Elliott Bay Book Company in downtown Seattle (well, Pioneer Square, which is quasi-downtown). It was a wonderful way to wrap things up, at least mostly, at least until the paperback, with a couple of small exceptions.
Matthew Baldwin led off the evening reading things from the estimable Defective Yeti blog he maintains. It's unorthodox for readings to have an opening act but I asked him to read for two reasons: 1) he's oh so funny and should receive a much bigger audience and b of all, it made the event feel more festive, like a celebration of words and jokes and things like that.
I read mostly the same passages I usually do but the crowd, quite enormous (I mean in numbers, they weren't obese), was vocal and happy and energizing. Best of all, for me anyway, was the appearance of my family. Jill and the kids sat in the back row and except for occasional bouts of wiggliness, listened. When I opened the floor to questions, Charlie had the first one. It was funny because readers of my work know that he's kind of my muse and a hush went over the room when he spoke. Afterwards, with no real provocation to do so, he walked to the front of the room and took a bow. Later, he signed some books. I would do my studied, rehearsed author signature with a black Sharpie (fine point) and he would follow with a huge CHARLIE in purple marker. I felt like I was doing a joint appearance with a Star Wars obsessed 6-year-old J.D. Salinger.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Point / Counterpoint
Criticism is part of the deal when you write a book. Recently someone posted on their LiveJournal this assessment of my efforts:
"Wow, this was bad. Moe's writing style, you know, is like full of verbal, you know, tics. Um, yeah. Like, hard to, you know, read? That's not counting the overwhelming condescension he walks into every situation radiating. The bits worth reading are where Moe interviews Rich Lowry and Jonah Goldberg and some of the other bright conservative lights and realizes that they've thought their way into their positions. But mostly, it's full of cheap shots and knee-jerk silliness. This book too could have been great and isn't even close."
Their friend, or cyberfriend, or electrofriend or whatever, said this:
"I heard Moe speak at the Texas Book Festival (on a panel with David Rakoff, who was who I went to see). I thought he was hysterical, but I can see how a book of his could be annoying, since it sounds like he writes much as he speaks. Which is rarely a good thing. Guess I can cross that book off my "to read" list--thanks!"
To which I replied this:
"No. In person, I'm a complete boor. A total disappointment. You think you're going to like me but I just let you down. You become sorry you ever spent the money to be with me. Sure, I might be to some people's tastes but man, you just won't get it. Save your money and just hang out with David Sedaris instead. He's always reliable.
jm"
Criticism is part of the deal when you write a book. Recently someone posted on their LiveJournal this assessment of my efforts:
"Wow, this was bad. Moe's writing style, you know, is like full of verbal, you know, tics. Um, yeah. Like, hard to, you know, read? That's not counting the overwhelming condescension he walks into every situation radiating. The bits worth reading are where Moe interviews Rich Lowry and Jonah Goldberg and some of the other bright conservative lights and realizes that they've thought their way into their positions. But mostly, it's full of cheap shots and knee-jerk silliness. This book too could have been great and isn't even close."
Their friend, or cyberfriend, or electrofriend or whatever, said this:
"I heard Moe speak at the Texas Book Festival (on a panel with David Rakoff, who was who I went to see). I thought he was hysterical, but I can see how a book of his could be annoying, since it sounds like he writes much as he speaks. Which is rarely a good thing. Guess I can cross that book off my "to read" list--thanks!"
To which I replied this:
"No. In person, I'm a complete boor. A total disappointment. You think you're going to like me but I just let you down. You become sorry you ever spent the money to be with me. Sure, I might be to some people's tastes but man, you just won't get it. Save your money and just hang out with David Sedaris instead. He's always reliable.
jm"
Friday, December 15, 2006
A Conversation with Charlie (Age 6) Where the Mystery is Solved
HIM: Dad, women have nipples to feed babies.
ME: Right.
HIM: And do you know why men have nipples?
ME: No. Nobody seems to know the answer to that one.
HIM: I think I know. It's for doing oogas.
ME: Doing...?
HIM: Oogas. Like gorillas beating their chests or Tarzan when he beats his chest and yells. It makes those sound louder.
ME: Men's nipples are drums?
HIM: Well, I think so.
HIM: Dad, women have nipples to feed babies.
ME: Right.
HIM: And do you know why men have nipples?
ME: No. Nobody seems to know the answer to that one.
HIM: I think I know. It's for doing oogas.
ME: Doing...?
HIM: Oogas. Like gorillas beating their chests or Tarzan when he beats his chest and yells. It makes those sound louder.
ME: Men's nipples are drums?
HIM: Well, I think so.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Look at the defcon house! Look at the defcon house!
It's a new blog (thank goodness! new blogs!) by Jeannie Yandel and Aaron Jeannie Yandel's Boyfriend. Jeannie is the former bass player for Sleater-Yandel, a band that went on to bigger things and a name change after she left. But not really.
It's much better than some other new blogs.
It's a new blog (thank goodness! new blogs!) by Jeannie Yandel and Aaron Jeannie Yandel's Boyfriend. Jeannie is the former bass player for Sleater-Yandel, a band that went on to bigger things and a name change after she left. But not really.
It's much better than some other new blogs.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Final Reading of Conservatize Me
Happens tomorrow night (12/12) at the esteemed Elliott Bay Book Company at 7:30. This is it. No more readings. Unless you're in Walla Walla in January. But otherwise: your last chance. Until the paperback comes out in the fall. But really: step up. Opening act will be the dangerously funny Matthew Baldwin of Defective Yeti fame. Seattlest.com promises that we will be "creating a vortex of funny that will swallow Seattle whole." And that is true.
Makes a great gift!
Did I mention I wrote a book?
Happens tomorrow night (12/12) at the esteemed Elliott Bay Book Company at 7:30. This is it. No more readings. Unless you're in Walla Walla in January. But otherwise: your last chance. Until the paperback comes out in the fall. But really: step up. Opening act will be the dangerously funny Matthew Baldwin of Defective Yeti fame. Seattlest.com promises that we will be "creating a vortex of funny that will swallow Seattle whole." And that is true.
Makes a great gift!
Did I mention I wrote a book?
Friday, December 08, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Television!
Watchers of television programs will be able to see me on one of those programs tonight. I'll be appearing, probably for like three minutes, on the Glenn Beck show on CNN Headline News. It airs on the west coast at 4pm, 6pm, and 9pm. If you're in other time zones, hey, what am I a mathemagician? If anyone ends up YouTubing it, lemme know.
Watchers of television programs will be able to see me on one of those programs tonight. I'll be appearing, probably for like three minutes, on the Glenn Beck show on CNN Headline News. It airs on the west coast at 4pm, 6pm, and 9pm. If you're in other time zones, hey, what am I a mathemagician? If anyone ends up YouTubing it, lemme know.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
How an interview ought to be
I've always loved Tom Waits a whole lot. I once paid $500 for a pair of tickets to see him in concert and would do so again in a heartbeat. He was on Letterman last night, one of the few places he's ever interviewed, and just killed. "Most of them are hit by cars while dining".
I've always loved Tom Waits a whole lot. I once paid $500 for a pair of tickets to see him in concert and would do so again in a heartbeat. He was on Letterman last night, one of the few places he's ever interviewed, and just killed. "Most of them are hit by cars while dining".
Monday, November 27, 2006
Saturday, November 25, 2006
I haven't blogged much lately...
mostly because I'm just sick of myself. And I'm a little sick of this whole self-promotional machine that I built or at least piloted for the book. I'm sick of thinking worse of myself when my Amazon ranking goes down and I'm sick of thinking better of myself when it goes back up again.
I'm sick of some blogger making me feel like crap (calling me a "disembodied voice", no god damn it I am a human being with a body and a voice, thanks) and making me forget about the legit book reviewers who said good things about the book and the cool MySpace comments from random teenagers who latched on to the book.
I'm sick of people leaving comments on this, my more or less personal blog, ripping into me about the method in which I chose to write a damn book. I delete those comments, and that might be against the code of blogging or whatever but screw it, I don't care, I'll do whatever I please, but honestly, what possesses people to say nasty things about someone while commenting on their blog? I mean, have we fallen so far that we simply cannot be civil?
I'm sick of the acrimony of politics and people who feel like I should be a receptacle of that acrimony just because I wrote a book about my own experiences. At this thing I did the other night, I was supposed to be "playing the part" of a conservative at this completely liberal-packed event and the guy I was supposed to be arguing against got to be himself and just say really mean horrible things. That was the schtick, I understand that, but geez, I was the Guy Fawkes statue at their post-election celebration.
I'll try to update this thing as events warrant or when my kids say weird crap. But Christ, even though I don't have a scrap of the writing chops of Thomas Pynchon, I understand why he's just said Screw it, all you people. I understand why Douglas Brinkley doesn't own a computer or why Daniel Schorr types on a typewriter.
There were some other fairly intense things going down at the same time as the book launched as alert readers know and maybe now I'm just decompressing but I almost feel like I got a case of the bends. Not to worry, I'll be back to relentlessly publicizing myself soon I'm sure. I mean, boo-hoo, right? The poor guy gets to write a book and tour the country supporting it and we're supposed to feel sorry for him? No, you're not. But it feels like living on a stage. A stage I walked on to willingly.
I'll probably delete this post later.
mostly because I'm just sick of myself. And I'm a little sick of this whole self-promotional machine that I built or at least piloted for the book. I'm sick of thinking worse of myself when my Amazon ranking goes down and I'm sick of thinking better of myself when it goes back up again.
I'm sick of some blogger making me feel like crap (calling me a "disembodied voice", no god damn it I am a human being with a body and a voice, thanks) and making me forget about the legit book reviewers who said good things about the book and the cool MySpace comments from random teenagers who latched on to the book.
I'm sick of people leaving comments on this, my more or less personal blog, ripping into me about the method in which I chose to write a damn book. I delete those comments, and that might be against the code of blogging or whatever but screw it, I don't care, I'll do whatever I please, but honestly, what possesses people to say nasty things about someone while commenting on their blog? I mean, have we fallen so far that we simply cannot be civil?
I'm sick of the acrimony of politics and people who feel like I should be a receptacle of that acrimony just because I wrote a book about my own experiences. At this thing I did the other night, I was supposed to be "playing the part" of a conservative at this completely liberal-packed event and the guy I was supposed to be arguing against got to be himself and just say really mean horrible things. That was the schtick, I understand that, but geez, I was the Guy Fawkes statue at their post-election celebration.
I'll try to update this thing as events warrant or when my kids say weird crap. But Christ, even though I don't have a scrap of the writing chops of Thomas Pynchon, I understand why he's just said Screw it, all you people. I understand why Douglas Brinkley doesn't own a computer or why Daniel Schorr types on a typewriter.
There were some other fairly intense things going down at the same time as the book launched as alert readers know and maybe now I'm just decompressing but I almost feel like I got a case of the bends. Not to worry, I'll be back to relentlessly publicizing myself soon I'm sure. I mean, boo-hoo, right? The poor guy gets to write a book and tour the country supporting it and we're supposed to feel sorry for him? No, you're not. But it feels like living on a stage. A stage I walked on to willingly.
I'll probably delete this post later.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Everybody Everybody!
Seattle Follies: The Brawl at Town Hall
Thursday, November 16, 7:30 pm
Seattle City Councilmember Sally Clark hosts the post-election edition of Seattle Follies. Joining her, and providing slashing and trenchant commentary on who really won and lost in the vote are blogger and humorist David Goldstein of horsesass.org, speaking from the left, and John Moe, public radio personality and author of the recently published book, Conservatize Me, promoting the view from the right. “The Brawl at Town Hall” will feature these two in a verbal boxing match with timed rounds, refereed by Ms. Clark. Councilmember Richard Conlin, former chair of the Council’s transportation committee and a champion of mass transit and sustainable neighborhoods, offers his tongue-in-cheek alternatives to the current and controversial proposals for the new 520 bridge. Musical guests are the great Irish musicians Dale Russ and Finn MacGinty, and Rob Jones tickles the ivories all night long. As always, the audience plays, “Who Said What,” the currents events game with chocolate prizes for the winners. Beer and wine available. Downstairs at Town Hall, enter on Seneca Street.
Advance tickets are $12/$10 Town Hall members, seniors & students only at www.brownpapertickets.com or 1800/838-3006. $15/$13 at the door.
Seattle Follies: The Brawl at Town Hall
Thursday, November 16, 7:30 pm
Seattle City Councilmember Sally Clark hosts the post-election edition of Seattle Follies. Joining her, and providing slashing and trenchant commentary on who really won and lost in the vote are blogger and humorist David Goldstein of horsesass.org, speaking from the left, and John Moe, public radio personality and author of the recently published book, Conservatize Me, promoting the view from the right. “The Brawl at Town Hall” will feature these two in a verbal boxing match with timed rounds, refereed by Ms. Clark. Councilmember Richard Conlin, former chair of the Council’s transportation committee and a champion of mass transit and sustainable neighborhoods, offers his tongue-in-cheek alternatives to the current and controversial proposals for the new 520 bridge. Musical guests are the great Irish musicians Dale Russ and Finn MacGinty, and Rob Jones tickles the ivories all night long. As always, the audience plays, “Who Said What,” the currents events game with chocolate prizes for the winners. Beer and wine available. Downstairs at Town Hall, enter on Seneca Street.
Advance tickets are $12/$10 Town Hall members, seniors & students only at www.brownpapertickets.com or 1800/838-3006. $15/$13 at the door.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
A Conversation with Charlie (Age 6) About Television
HIM: Dad, I don't like a lot of the shows that Kate likes.
ME: Well, you're older and you're a boy and you just have different tastes.
HIM: I like grown-up shows. I like to watch them with Mom.
ME: Like Oprah?
HIM: Yeah, I like Oprah. And all the grown-up shows with people arguing. So I'm kind of a weird kid, huh?
ME: I don't think you're a weird kid.
HIM: I do.
ME: You have some weird tastes but that doesn't make you a weird kid.
HIM: Well, I think it does.
We agree to disagree on that one. But the occasion of his birthday today makes me reflect on various things written about him as I've slowly and methodically exploited his childhood.
REAL AND IMAGINED THINGS MY 3-MONTH-OLD SON CHARLIE HAS SAID (McSweeney's)
WHAT I FOUND IN MY TWO-YEAR-OLD SON'S PLAYROOM (McSweeney's)
Conversation At The Toy Store Between Myself And My Son Charlie (Almost Three)
A Conversation With Charlie (Age 3) In The Car Last Night (Joined Midway Through)
A Conversation With Charlie, Age 4
The Imminent Threat of Chickens
The Home Improvement Plan
A Brief Conversation with Charlie (Age 4) About Future Plans
A Conversation with Charlie (Age 5) and Kate (Age 3) About Responsibilities
Jokes Written by Charlie (Age 5) That Indicate Either a Lack of Understanding About What Jokes Are, or an Absolute Mastery of the Medium
You May Wish to Avoid Charlie (Age 5) on April 1st
Action Boys
Happy birthday Charlie.
HIM: Dad, I don't like a lot of the shows that Kate likes.
ME: Well, you're older and you're a boy and you just have different tastes.
HIM: I like grown-up shows. I like to watch them with Mom.
ME: Like Oprah?
HIM: Yeah, I like Oprah. And all the grown-up shows with people arguing. So I'm kind of a weird kid, huh?
ME: I don't think you're a weird kid.
HIM: I do.
ME: You have some weird tastes but that doesn't make you a weird kid.
HIM: Well, I think it does.
We agree to disagree on that one. But the occasion of his birthday today makes me reflect on various things written about him as I've slowly and methodically exploited his childhood.
REAL AND IMAGINED THINGS MY 3-MONTH-OLD SON CHARLIE HAS SAID (McSweeney's)
WHAT I FOUND IN MY TWO-YEAR-OLD SON'S PLAYROOM (McSweeney's)
Conversation At The Toy Store Between Myself And My Son Charlie (Almost Three)
A Conversation With Charlie (Age 3) In The Car Last Night (Joined Midway Through)
A Conversation With Charlie, Age 4
The Imminent Threat of Chickens
The Home Improvement Plan
A Brief Conversation with Charlie (Age 4) About Future Plans
A Conversation with Charlie (Age 5) and Kate (Age 3) About Responsibilities
Jokes Written by Charlie (Age 5) That Indicate Either a Lack of Understanding About What Jokes Are, or an Absolute Mastery of the Medium
You May Wish to Avoid Charlie (Age 5) on April 1st
Action Boys
Happy birthday Charlie.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
A Conversation Between Kate (Age 4) and Charlie (Age 6) Concerning The Location of Their Mother
HER: Charlie, where's Mom?
HIM: She's in your brain.
HER: WHAT?!
HIM: She's in your brain, Kate. Mom is insiiiiiiiiide your brain.
HER: No!
HIM: Yes!
HER: No, she's not! Mom isn't inside my brain!
HIM: It's true.
HER: DAD! CHARLIE SAYS MOM IS INSIDE MY BRAIN!
ME: I'm going to let you guys work this one out on your own.
HER: Charlie, where's Mom?
HIM: She's in your brain.
HER: WHAT?!
HIM: She's in your brain, Kate. Mom is insiiiiiiiiide your brain.
HER: No!
HIM: Yes!
HER: No, she's not! Mom isn't inside my brain!
HIM: It's true.
HER: DAD! CHARLIE SAYS MOM IS INSIDE MY BRAIN!
ME: I'm going to let you guys work this one out on your own.
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