Friday, February 27, 2009

Superuseless Superpowers

This is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Superuseless Superpowers. Like "Healing Punch":

Float like a butterfly and sting like the bedside manner of Mother Teresa. As a superhero, sometimes you have to resort to violence. Too bad your ferocious fists instantly heal the damage you inflict. Whereas most punches would deliver a crushing Ivan Drago-like knockout. Yours leave your opponent feeling amazingly refreshed and rejuvenated. At least until he counters with an uppercut to your esophagus.

Then there's:

Superhuman size. Totally human feet. Upon engaging the No-Go-liath power, the upper 95% of our superhero swells to impressive size. Shortly thereafter, he topples like Nick Nolte at an open-bar charity ball. Does anyone have a XXXXXL Hoveround?

Oh just go.


Thursday, February 26, 2009

Walk to Work with Me

When we first moved to St Paul, we lived about 3 miles from where I work and, since it was Spring and then Summer, I would walk to and from each day. Now we live 4 miles away and Winter was here so I haven't walked as much. But today I did and, now that I have the handy iPhone these days, I took pictures of a few of my favorite landmarks on my usual route.


Do you have a broken hockey? Or even just a hockey that isn't running like it should? Take it here.


This statue is very interesting and located across the street from the broken hockeys. It honors the St Paul legend of a little girl who was born with the back part of a head of a bear and the front part of a head of an old man. She was cared for by a very tall man with a crack in his face who kept her in line using a shoe on a stick.


Around the corner is La Cucaracha Mexican Restaurant.
PERSON 1: Well, we're all set to open that Mexican restaurant. All we need now is a name. Maybe La Fiesta? Something like that? Delicioso?
PERSON 2: Let's go with La Cucaracha!
PERSON 1: The cockroach? You want to name our restaurant after a cockroach? You really think that's the best choice? Out of the entire universe of names, out of the infinite possibility of human language, you choose the cockroach?
PERSON 2: Yes, because I want customers to get grossed out and never come here FOR I AM CRAZY!


Monday, February 23, 2009

Oh by the way

I'm on to you, Belle & Sebastian.
You too Sean Penn but congrats all the same.



It's something I was never sure I had achieved. Until I saw this dude reading from my book on YouTube.

Thank you, Russ.


Friday, February 20, 2009

Jokes by Charlie Moe (age 8)

What kind of mythical beast do you put on spaghetti?

Where do lumberjacks go after pre-K?

Where do cows shop for books?
Barns and No Bull!

Talent show audition is on Monday. Wish him luck.


Thursday, February 19, 2009

The challenge of photographing a baby

Sometimes there will be a stray crumb...

other times, a stray tear...

Still and all, it's a fun thing to do.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Not in the Brochure

We've been in St Paul for nearly a year now. It's been a busy year: arriving in new city, God trying to ice murder me, Margaret born, promoted to host the show, buying a house, show getting canceled, God resuming ice murder efforts.

What's really struck me (besides ice shards) has been the delightful surprises of living here. Things that I didn't expect but have come to love:

1. Kemp's milk. I don't know why but it is better than any other milk I've ever had. And I didn't even know some milk could taste better than other milk. I would drink gallons of this stuff at a sitting if I could get away with it and I just might try one of these days.

2. The bunnies. I've talked about this before but there are bunnies all over. They destroy your garden (solution: don't garden) and are delightful. My love has lessened somewhat with all the tiny bunny poops in my yard.

3. Less wealth. Seattle is a rich town. You go to a coffee shop there and even the people loafing around have top of the line computers. Houses are (were?) expensive but people buy them anyway. Here, there is simply less money and it is an incredible relief. I have become less acquisitive. In Seattle, I used to think about what kind of new car I wanted, here I barely even drive a car and I just don't worry about the whole wealth/status thing. It's nice.

4. Warm hats. Never needed them before but they're a delight! Now I know why all the sullen hipsters wearing them incongruously in warm climates love them so much. Doesn't thwart God but slows His progress.

Look, I'm not down on Seattle. I still love it and miss it in many ways but I think it is of value to look at what is secretly great about where you live.

What's secretly great about where YOU live?


Monday, February 16, 2009

Happy President's Day

ME: So if that's TEDDY Roosevelt, who is that there?
CHARLIE (age 8): I don't know. Is it Woodrow Wilson?
ME: No. He's related to Teddy Roosevelt. His last name is also Roosevelt. His first name starts with "F".
CHARLIE: Is it...the bad F word?
ME: No. No, they wouldn't name a president F*ck Roosevelt.


ME: Kate, would you want to be president one day?
KATE (age 6): I don't's a pretty big job...but I wonder if there's room service.
ME: You wonder if there's room service when you're president?
KATE: Is there?
ME: I'm pretty sure there is.
KATE: OKAY! I'll DO IT! And is there a hundred rooms in the White House?
ME: Maybe. There's a lot of rooms.
KATE: And does each room HAVE A TV?!
ME: Not every room. Some just have paintings.
KATE: Well, that's okay. I'll still do it.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Watch this and then try to be sad. YOU CANNOT DO IT!

My favorite? "I'm her mom!" "No, she's not."

Found at BoingBoing.


What, I ask you, is more delightful?

This beautiful Beck cover?

Or the fact that I learned about it from Rainn Wilson's Twitter feed?


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Now we are Minnesotans

It was a parent-child ice fishing day at Fort Snelling in Minneapolis. So we go. It starts with an 80-minute presentation on ice fishing at the visitor center:
- Long safety video of people plunging into an icy lake in their cars and then struggling like hell to not die.
- Item by item presentation on ice fishing equipment. The ranger would talk about each item, tell how much it costs, and then tell you why you probably didn't need it.
- Every kid in the place was like, "uh...WHEN DO WE FISH?!"

Then we got to build our own fishing pole out a dowel and some line and a hook. Then out to the frozen lake! Where the ranger used a power auger to drill holes in the 10-inch thick ice.

And it was only then that I realized: wait a minute. Ice fishing takes forever to catch anything. That's why you sit there in special houses for hours, days on end. Also: no one in our family really even likes fish all that much.

So: "Tell you what, Charlie. Let me at least get a picture of you and then we can get out of here, knowing we are proper Minnesotans. Except without the patience."

Fine, he said.

And try to smile, I said.

Fine, he said.


My Pal Pull

Pull is an actor in New York. He's been on Law & Order a million times (always as different characters), he was on Ed, he was a bartender on a soap opera. When he was on the soap, he was always bartending in the same bar and wearing the same clothes. But they called his character by a different name each time so they wouldn't have to pay him as a recurring character. Nice.

Anyway, Pull is the customer in this video. THERE ARE SWEARS.

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work


Monday, February 09, 2009

Career Advice

from a guy who's show got canceled. So take it or don't.

What you want do is this:

Find something that a) you love doing, b) that you have real ability at doing, and c) that the least number of other people as possible are doing well.

That is the formula. I'm convinced of it.

If you have one of the three, you are foolish to pursue this.

If you have two of the three, you are in for some frustration and possibly some rewards, depending on where luck goes.

If you have all three, you will be a success.

This is not to say that the something will be easy to find, it probably won't be, but that is your map.


Thursday, February 05, 2009

This Week

So last Saturday was the final ever Weekend America, an occasion on which I have expended so many words and emotions that I'm frankly wrung out. I mourn the loss, I stride into the future. There.

Saturday included a party at one of our producers' house. Then there was a Super Bowl party over at our friends' Steve and Sarah's house. They're Wisconsinites so there was Leinenkugels and weenies. And on Sunday night I was thinking, "I'm not ready to go back to work." After escorting Weekend America through the death process, it felt plum goofy to plunge back in on Monday and begin the long and complex process of developing new national programming. So at the urging of my wife, who is wise, and my boss, who is doing this same thing and is also wise, I elected to take a week off. Use vacation. Clear my head.

Part of Jill's plan was for me to do Bikram yoga, which is this crazy thing where you go into a room that's set at like 110 degrees and then you fail for 90 minutes while you attempt to do things that everyone else's bodies can do. Today was day four.

In the afternoons, I've been seeing movies. Milk, Slumdog Millionaire, and The Wrestler.

The neat part is that I now can't wait to get back to work. I have more enthusiasm, ideas, inspirations than I ever would have had going back to work this week.