Dear Indy Hipster Coffee Shop Near Where I Work,

I think our relationship is broken. It just isn't a two-way street like it's supposed to be. It's not about OUR needs. It's become only about you. Well, you and my money, that is.

Look, I know you have a lot on your mind lately, what with the play you're directing at the tiny theater, the band you may or may not be in, and your busy scowling schedule, but maybe when I come by you could sometimes look at me with a hint of welcome. Like I'm not a burden. Maybe you could treat me like the one who brings the money, and really the activity, into this relationship. Because that's what I am.

In fact, there are some things you do that just seem hostile. Like $2.25 for a bagel. A bagel. A. Bagel. And this whole drip coffee coming up on two bucks thing. That's just passive aggressive.

I think you have a lot of anger, Indy Hipster Coffee Shop Near Where I Work. It takes the form of self-consciously rejecting the dominant Starbucks paradigm but I think it's much more personal than that. As you point your finger at Starbucks, please note all those other fingers on your hand pointing back at you.

I went to see Starbucks this morning. It was nice to me. Asked how I was doing. Got a little pushy about its taste for Paul McCartney but that's no biggie. It had cleaned up around the place. Swept. Maybe got some cleaning solutions out. Looked like it had been working out. Had the New York Times available instead of shabbily stacked back issues of The Stranger. This is what I want, Indy Hipster Coffee Shop Near Where I Work.

Look, we'll still see each other around. I'm in the neighborhood. You're definitely in the neighborhood. And I'd love to stay in touch and meet up some time. Just not for coffee.

Your friend,
John