Thursday, January 31, 2008

Honestly, Craigslist scammers, at least try a LITTLE harder

Good day seller,
How are you today and how is work over there, i will
be buying the item you posted here but i will like to
tell you that i will be paying with a certified check in US dollars
and as for the shipment my shipper will come for the pick up at
your location upon your confirmation of receiving the
payment and i dont want you to look for any other
buyer.I would have love to come down for the
pickup,But i do not have chance to do that now due to my job but am
satisfied with your discription of the item i will like you to
give meyour contact info for me to send your payment
1....your full name to be on the check
2..your full contact address to send the payment to
3..your zip code
4.your mobile nad land nunmber to reach you.i will
expect your mail.asap
Thanks in advance.

best regards.......donald

In other news, posting shall be spotty, I think, for a while. Because I'm spent.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

"Celebrity" being a loose term in my case

If you're reading this over the weekend and are looking for something to do Sunday night, I'll be doing something approximating comedy here:

Celebrity Open Mic at The Comedy Underground

(OPEN CELEBRITIES) Our home club, the Comedy Underground, opens its doors for a “Celebrity Open Mic” featuring local superstars, including tv legend John Keister, cartoonist Peter Bagge, and writers from The Stranger. Some spots will be reserved for newbies, so you - yes, you! - could perform on this night. Arrive at the club by 7:30 pm if you want to put your danglies in the water. Dartanion London and Paul Merrill will host, and Barbar Sehr, Danielle Radford, and Owen Straw will be showing up as well. (Comedy Underground, 222 S Main Street, 628-0303, 8:30, $6, all ages) DARTANION LONDON

It's part of something called The Week of Fun, standing in contrast to the other 51 weeks of the year which are naught but misery, of course.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Way Games Sometimes Go In My House

When we play Rock Paper Scissors, we count it out like "Rock, rock, PAPER!" or "Rock, rock, ROCK!" So I'm playing yesterday with Charlie (age 7) and Kate (age 5).

ALL: Rock, rock--
CHARLIE: Tidal wave! Tidal waves crush paper and scissors!
ME: Let's try it again.
ALL: Rock, rock--
CHARLIE: GODZILLA! You can't defeat Godzilla with paper or scissors or rocks!
ME: Oh, I have one. Here we go.
ALL: Rock, rock--
KATE: What?!
ME: Love. Love conquers everything. Godzilla, tidal waves, rocks, scissors, paper.
CHARLIE: Oh that's stupid.
KATE: Oh me! My turn!
ALL: Rock, rock--
ME: Hate?
KATE: Hate beats love! And everything else. Hate.
CHARLIE: Well, I'm doing BLACK HOLE! Black hole defeats hate.
KATE: Nothing defeats hate, Charlie.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Small Items

1. With 10 1/2 hours to spare, I'm declaring the house ready to go live on the market tomorrow. We need to take the garbage out, re-make the beds, and dispose of a mystery basket but these are all things that could be done in less than ten minutes if a realtor called and wanted to see the place. Therefore: the house is ready.

2. Getting the house ready = hardest thing ever. Harder than book writing, harder than finals week, harder than an Amazon launch. Theater folk: imagine a month of tech rehearsals where you're the actor, director, light and set designer, board op, stage manager, front of house staff, and stage crew. I hit the wall a week ago but it was not possible to stop. Moving should be easy.

3. The house must sell. It's a great house in a great neighborhood. "I want someone to fall in love with the house," says the astounding Mrs. Moe, "not just buy it but LOVE it." They will.

4. I think the thing with Conor Oberst/Bright Eyes (a musician/band) is those backing vocals he uses. Man. One of those things that makes me love life. That and Homsar.

5. I'll post the listing for the house soon.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Spirit? Snap. Broken.

So we are in the waning hours before the house goes on the market. S'posed to happen Friday. Open house on Sunday. Holy guacamole, cats and kittens. I don't think I've ever done anything this hard before. I really, honestly, have mostly lost my ability to joke about this process. Here are several lines of information about this past week or so.

- We've painted mostly the whole interior of the house. There's a bedroom and a rec room unpainted. I think I need to do touch-ups on the rec room. Aaaaand the bedroom.
- I used to hate painting, then I loved painting. I'm back to hate and in hate I shall stay.
- Our contractor is more or less part of the family, for good or ill.
- Pressure washing is an almost unbelievably awesomely fun thing to do. Until your hand cramps.
- A pinched nerve hurts like a son of a bitch. I got one in the neck. Yes, prepping the house was A Real Pain In The Neck.
- Having a tattooed Iraq/Afghanistan war veteran do your carpet cleaning is a really interesting thing to have happen.
- The kids are getting sick of watching TV. Think about that.
- Please buy our house.

Finally, I got a comment on the blog the other day that called the blog "a harsh judgmental snoozefest". I didn't publish it, of course, because how dare you judge me, you know? But the phrase Harsh Judgmental Snoozefest stayed with me. It sounds like a some sort of music festival. Who would play at Harsh Judgmental Snoozefest? Ryan Adams? Oasis? The Singing Senators?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Small Items

1. We're trying to get the house on the market next weekend, which means all sorts of work. We're looking for a good house cleaner or cleaning service that can do things like return our calls, get to the house quickly, and do good work. Any ideas?

2. Luke Burbank, with whom I go way back, has forsaken NPR for 710 KIRO. He has a new show called Too Beautiful To Live in the evening slot at 7pm weeknights. They say the ghost of Tony Ventrella still haunts that building. Tune in if you've always wanted to hear Luke do something other than agitate you to fly on Alaska Airlines.

3. Good Will Hunting with all the Minnie Driver scenes edited out would be a damn fine movie. Someone get on that, okay?

4. The Sacred Truths are a rock band full of geniuses and pumpkins. Tomorrow night they play their final gig and my band, Chicken Starship, opens the show at 10pm. We've been practicing up the Truths' song Unlikely Donut Picnic for the occasion.

5. Did I already mention the house cleaner? We need one.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Oh my

This whole Clinton campaign is beginning to feel just a bit like one of those casino shows by a band that should have broken up a while ago. They used to be awesome but now...

"There's lots of things I can't do," he says.

He also can't make MC Hammer any younger, Skee-Lo any taller (or a baller for that matter), or Monie Love a male.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Obama and me but barely me

So in 2006 when my book came out, I did a little book tour all over the country. Went to book stores, nice crowds, pleasant. The last stop on the tour was the Texas Book Festival where I was scheduled to be on a two-person panel about first-person humor writing with the brilliant David Rakoff. Our event was happening in the Texas Senate chambers. At the same time over in the Texas House chambers, there was an appearance by another author, Senator Barack Obama.

His event was packed like the Beatles at Shea Stadium. Our event was more like a Mets game at Shea Stadium in September when they're not going to the playoffs. The room was actually full but many attendees were disgruntled folks denied admission to Obama and, yeah, humorists were no substitute. The panel went really well, folks laughed, all that.

Afterwards, David and I were escorted to a tent outside where people could line up and get books signed. David had a steady trickle, I had occasional visitors. And as we sat there chatting with readers and mostly each other, there was a roar outside that got louder and louder. We looked to see what it was. Obama walking across the lawn surrounded by hordes of devotees.

"This is the exact same thing that happens when I do an event with David Sedaris," said Rakoff, ruefully.

Mrs. Clinton, I don't know how to get in touch with David Sedaris but I do have David Rakoff's email if you need someone to talk to.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

HLAOH and the Pressure Washer

We need to pressure wash our deck, sidewalk, driveway, and maybe even house to get ready for HLAOH (Hey Look At Our House), currently scheduled to go on the market 1/17 or so.

Cost to have mullet dude in Harley Davidson jacket come do it - $350
Cost to rent the thing and hope for the best, bearing in mind our contractor's information that "it's fun!" - $65
Cost to download Queen & David Bowie's "Under Pressure" to listen to on iPod while having said fun - $1

So. $66 it is.