Friday, December 17, 2004

The House of Flying Daggers

It's a movie that opens this weekend.

I gotta think if you're a real estate agent, that's going to be a hard house to sell.

Buyers would tour the place and try to be polite:
"No, I like the closet space, there was plenty of that. Yeah, and the location is fantastic, you're right, close to schools and shopping. The kitchen was beautiful, I can tell it was recently remodeled and the commercial grade stove and fridge are really great. No, I loved the bathroom with the clawfoot tub and the antique fixtures and all that. The thing is, I just can't imagine really feeling comfortable living here with all the flying daggers. Yes, actually, there are a lot of them. Look, there goes one now. No, you're wrong, it IS a problem. I've already been stabbed four times. Can we please look at some other houses now? I know it's priced to sell but it just doesn't feel like home to me. Yes, precisely because of the flying daggers."

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Thoughts on the Sonics.

- Danny Fortson dominates the game when he's in. It doesn't even show up in the stats but it's just a different game when he's in there. Either he's crashing the post or people think he's going to. Either he's grabbing a rebound or everyone wonders if he will. Also he went with a fetching top of the head ponytail, Barbara Eden-style, instead of the pig tails last night.
- Luke Ridnour. He's good. He's fast, he can shoot, and he seems like a robot. Seriously, dude has no personality. It's like having a basketball cyborg on your team.
- Nick Collison. Oh yeah, having one of the best college players in the country on your team, and a guy who actually played all four years in college, that's a good thing. It means he's probably good at playing basketball.
- Reggie Evans is the classic beefy sidekick who doesn't need the spotlight but helps in the game. He's the Chewbacca of the team. The Rerun of the team. When they make a movie of the '04-'05 Sonics, he'll be played by John C. Reilly.
- Jerome James. Contract year. He's playing well because he knows that if the team wins and he does precisely what he's told, he might just fool people one more time into thinking he's a good player. That's why he's smiling all the time.
- Rashard Lewis. Rashard does not want to make decisions. He does not want to lead the team. He doesn't want to decide if we should go out for Thai or Mexican. He can't make up his mind about seeing that new Hugh Grant movie or the Jim Carrey thing. He doesn't really care whether we spend Christmas with his family or your family. He's the guy who finally gets the overbearing girlfriend (Ray) and it totally works out for everyone. It's not even that he's whipped, he just needs someone to tell him what to do.

Thursday, December 02, 2004


Well, yes. (caution: cussing)